Breathing underwater
by The Queen's Saviour
Summary: - Story completed - Bella is married to Edward, but their marriage isn't what she'd expected. He's very abusive and can't control himself. What happens when she falls for Alice? Will Edward let her go, or not? Read and find out.
1. For better or worse

_A/N: I don't own anything, the great Stephenie Meyer does. I also apologize for the mistakes, English is not my native-language so it's not perfect. I'm also sorry for the short chapters. Thank you for reading, I hope you'll enjoy it. Review if you want, but if you don't, well too bad :P I'm not the kind of person who only posts new chapters if I receive reviews, but they would be nice. I'm interested in knowing how you feel about the story and what you think about what should happen next. I already have most of it written but I don't want to post it all at once, this gives me the opportunity to change them slightly if you please. Okay so that's about it, enjoy reading. _

**Chapter 1: For better or worse**

I had instantly fallen for him when I first came to Forks. He was like the perfect guy, he was drop-dead handsome, he was caring, protective, sweet, romantic. There was nothing not to like, and everything had gotten even more perfect when I met his family. They all were beautiful, like him, and they all were very accepting towards me. His mother instantly thought of me as her own daughter and for the first time I felt totally accepted. His brothers were good fun and his sister, Alice, she became my best friend. His other sister, Rosalie, didn't like me as much but still, she was part of the family I so desperately wanted to belong to. I had never felt unsafe with them, even though they all were vampires. They survived of the blood of animals but still, I knew human blood was very appealing to them. And I was a human.

From the first moment we all met, I knew they'd never hurt me and so far, they never had. None, but Edward. He had hurt me multiple times, by accident of course. It was very difficult for him to restrain himself and I was his so-called singer. Knowing that, I always forgave him when he was about to lose himself, or when he hurt me in any other way, I knew it was difficult for him too. My love for him made me blind for all the mistakes he made, as it had made me blind for all other feelings I had. Edward had soon proposed to me and we had married, he had promised to turn me into a vampire so that we could be together forever. But deep down I knew that was never going to happen, he wouldn't ever have the strength to turn me without killing me.

He bought a nice cottage close to his parental house and we moved there, just the two of us. Nobody ever came, nobody ever heard of us and nobody knew if he'd hurt me. I was always afraid to be alone with him, ever since the wedding things had changed. He wasn't as sweet, or as careful. He wanted to make love to me, like every other married couple would. But he knew as well as I that he could never do that, not as long as I was human. He tried though, and that were the times I got hurt. I got pushed away, I would fall or worse, he'd almost bite me. He had tasted my blood, a few times, but he never drained me. The fear was there though, and I knew that one day, he would… kill me.

"Edward, is it alright if I go see Alice?" I asked him, I asked him about everything. He was very protective and if he'd find out I was gone without asking he'd probably beat the crap out of me. His super-strength had often gotten me bruised, he'd apologize every time and I would of course forgive him.

"No, I don't want you to go out today. I need you here, close by." I had already predicted this response, as of lately he hadn't let me out very often. And neither had he allowed his family to come over here. Something was going on I just couldn't find out what it was, I was blinded by my love for him and his family, it was just so strong.

"Why? Are you going to finally turn me?" This was the wrong question, which provoked a lot of anger, as it always did.

"When are you going to give up? You know I'm not ready to do that! You selfish-"

"I know! But you promised me Edward, it was part of the deal!"

"Fine, then the deal is off, Bella! I shall not change you." He broke me, he did over and over again. He repeatedly hurt me, if not physically, he'd do it mentally. But I doubted he was conscious of this and so I wouldn't mention it.

"Great, so I will die within quite a few years and that's that? You're not going to want me when I'm old, Edward! I know you don't feel that way, but that's how it works. Besides, it's not really a great thing to be 70 years old and be dating someone who looks like 17! When will you face reality Edward?" I was screaming and he moved towards me, looking very mad. I knew I was going to get hurt again and I regretted what I'd just said. "I'm sorry, I…"

"Shut up, Bella! You have no idea what you're talking about!" He pushed me and I fell on the floor, another bruise would soon be added to my collection. Ever since we got married I had always been covered by bruises, and the worst part was that he never meant for it to happen, but it just did. I guessed that was the danger of being married to a vampire.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you." He helped me to get back on my feet and that's when the phone rang. "I'll get it" he said. He never let me answer the phone, I was wondering why he wouldn't want me to have any contact with the outside-world. He wouldn't even let me see Alice! My dear friend, Alice, whom I had told so many stories, who knew about everything, except for the bruises. I couldn't tell her, she wouldn't understand. She'd think Edward hurt me intentionally, but that wasn't true, was it?

"Alice, back off! She's not coming okay? Just, leave us alone!" I heard Edward yell, it was a whispered yell but I still heard it. He deprived me of my friends and family, I hadn't seen Charlie in weeks and every time he called Edward made up excuses. I felt two cold hand on my stomach, under my shirt and I knew Edward wanted to try again. "Edward, I don't think…"

"Shh, this is what married people do isn't it? And we're married, Bella." He continued touching me and I soon turned around and kissed his lips. He answered the kiss and carried me upstairs, to our bedroom. When we got there he ripped my shirt off, as well as my bra and he cupped my breasts with his cold hands. His lips were still kissing mine and his teeth sometimes captured my bottom lip. He bit hard enough for the blood to almost come through, but it didn't, yet. His hands got to my lower back and reached my jeans, he also got rid of those and laid me down on the double bed he had bought me. When his hands reached my panties he snapped, I felt him bite on my bottom lip and the blood seeped through.

"Edward… stop! I'm bleeding" I said but he didn't stop. His tongue reached for the blood and he started sucking on the broken skin. His hands had already removed my panties and his fingers were tickling my pubis. I tried to push him away, he had to restrain himself from hurting me, I didn't want this to happen, not again. It took him some time to realize what he was doing but once he did he moved away from me, muttering apologies.

"Edward, it's okay. We just shouldn't do this. It's not that I don't want to but…"

"I know what it is Bella! It's because I can't get a hold of myself isn't it? You don't want me because you don't want me to hurt you, or don't you love me anymore?"

"Don't be such a fool, of course I still love you! You just… we shouldn't hurry these things. They take time, for you." I knew it was too late, my refusal had already made him angry and I knew he was about to give in to his blood-lust and drain me. I quickly got my clothes and ran for the bathroom, it was a weak attempt to escape reality. There was no chance I was going to make it, if he really wanted to hurt me.

"I'm leaving Bella. For a second, but I'll be back. Please don't call anyone, I want you to stay in here" He demanded and I couldn't refuse, I was too scared of him. His eyes were black and I knew he was going to hunt, so that he would get back in control of himself. I got dressed and when I got back downstairs he was there too, waiting for me.

"You done already?"

"I'm fast, Bella." This was one of those awkward moments we always used to have after his attempts to make love to me. I nodded, I didn't really know what to say and then went to give him a hug. To show him everything was okay. He hugged me back and we got over to the couch, I snuggled in to him and he caressed my arm. We didn't speak, and for a second it felt like I had the old Edward back. I cherished moments like this, because they were rare.


	2. The sweet escape

_A/N: I don't own anything. Stephenie does.  
Thank you everyone for reviewing and reading!! :D It means a lot to me. Here's the new chapter, I'm at school right now and couldn't actually wait till I got home. So here it is, enjoy!_

**Chapter two: The sweet escape**

"Why do you keep nagging about this thing Bella? If you want to be changed, fine! You should ask someone else to do it! But I won't! I refuse! But know that if someone changes you I will never forgive them, and you!" He was angry again, having one of his bad days. His life seemed to consist out of bad days as of late. I hated it, I hated this side of him, this side where he was a complete different person from the affectionate, sweet man I had fallen in love with.

"I could if you'd let me out of the damn house for once!" I yelled at him. Uh oh, wrong choice of words.

"I can't Bella! What if someone sees you like this? They'll think I don't look after you well enough!"

"Why would we have to care about what others think?" He did however have a point there. They'd all think he was abusing me or something, but he wasn't… Or was he? No, this was ridiculous, I shouldn't be thinking like this. Edward loved me, and he would never deliberately hurt me.

"Just because… Bella, I don't want to lose you."

"You won't, Edward. They won't take me away from you, not Alice. She loves us both."

"Yes she does indeed." His voice sounded very bitter, and I wondered why. Was there something wrong about Alice, something he hadn't told me about? No, Alice was the sweetest, most selfless person I had ever met. She was my very best friend, she brought up the best in me. Even though she was terribly addicted to shopping and dressing me up, I still loved her very much. When I was with her, I could forget about the pain Edward sometimes caused me. She had the ability to make me remember the good times we had, the fun we all shared. I very often wished we wouldn't have left Carlisle's coven, how would my life be if we still lived under his roof? I guessed I'd never know.

I decided to drop the subject and get back to what I was doing before we got in this stupid fight, writing a letter to Renée. My much-too-worried mother. If only she'd see me now, she'd probably get me away from Edward, take me to a hospital or something. Every time I checked a mirror I wondered how it was possible for Edward to still find me attractive. I looked so bad, I lacked sleep and had dark circles under my eyes. I lacked the sight of sunlight and was even paler than I was before. This wasn't healthy was it? I guessed it was, otherwise Edward wouldn't ever let it go this far.

"Don't walk away from this conversation Bella! You always do that, every time it gets hard you walk away. Why?"

"Because.. I don't want to fight with you Edward. Why can't we just live like we did when we weren't married yet?"

"Because we're married now Bella. Everything has changed. I'm supposed to look after you, and I will as good as I can." He didn't even know how much it hurt me that I hadn't seen my friends in months. He didn't even realize he didn't look after me, he just locked me in and kept me from having a normal life, for as far as I could have a normal life.

"But Edward… I miss my friends, I miss Alice! Why can't she just come here, you don't even have to leave us alone, I just want to see her! I haven't spoken to her in months Edward! She was my very best friend and I miss her! Why can't you see that?" I needed answers, these questions have been roaming around in my mind for days… no months, and he would never answer them. But I wouldn't give up, I continued asking.

"I just can't let you Bella. But, if it really makes you happy, fine! I'll call her and tell her to come over, but I won't leave her alone with you." After all this time, he finally gave in and I felt hope. I would see my friend, today!

A few hours later Alice knocked the door, and I answered as soon as humanly possible and hugged her tightly. I had missed her touch so much, her giggle, her smell, her eyes (which were very similar to Edward's , but so much more beautiful) and her pixie-like features. She hugged me back and that familiar giggle filled the air.

"Jeez Bella, I didn't know you'd miss me that much" she said, still giggling. She had no idea of how much I missed her. Edward had made sure I wore a long-sleeved shirt and jeans so that she wouldn't see my bruises, but he couldn't hide my eyes from her. And besides, my face was full of dried blood, my lips were broken from his bites and my eyes lacked light.

"I did. I missed you Alice." I said, as quiet as I could manage. I knew she would hear me. She took a good look at me and something on her face changed.

"What happened to you Bella? What happened to your lips?" Damn, she was suspicious, this was exactly what Edward's fear had been, for her to notice anything.

"Nothing, I fell of the stairs. No major accidents, nothing to worry about." I dragged her into the living room where Edward was, hoping she wouldn't ask me more of those questions. He nodded at her and so did she. We had a great afternoon, I enjoyed her company very much and I thought Edward did too. He acted very nice and polite, his mood from this morning seemed to have completely disappeared. Maybe he would now realize this was what we needed, just a little company once in a while. Alice and I said goodbye at the door, she hugged me tightly and whispered some words in my ears: _"If you need anything, I will be right there for you."_ And then she was gone, she ran off and her vampire-speed was too fast for me to keep up with.

"So, happy now?" Edward asked me when I got back to the living room. I nodded at him, a little light had returned to my eyes and he seemed to enjoy it.

"We should do this more often, Edward. You liked it too didn't you? Don't you at all miss your parents? And your siblings?" I was hoping that one day I would get him to give in and would manage to get a few moments alone, without his presence.

"Yes I do. But I can't leave you alone, can I?"

"You could invite Alice, she could look after me for you. She's just as strong as you are and probably fast enough to keep me out of trouble." His eyes suddenly were considerate, and I felt a little more hope.

"Maybe I could. I'll have to think about that." I nodded and looked at him with a supportive look. He wouldn't need to know how I really felt, that I just wanted him to leave and leave me be. I loved him, sure, but his protectiveness was a little too much and lately we were just fighting. He must have felt the same way, otherwise he would never allow me to ask such questions and make such proposals.

"Of course you will, I understand." I lied, I didn't understand. I could never run away from him, could I? He was much faster and would catch up with me anyway, it wouldn't be worth trying. He simply nodded at me and grabbed a paper from the floor, he started reading it. I suddenly felt like prisoner in my own house, and realized that was exactly what I was. I was a prisoner, he wouldn't even let me out of the house for a walk.

"Can I take a small walk outside? I promise I won't go far and I promise-"

"Haven't I done enough for you already? Haven't I given you enough today already?" I knew that whining wouldn't help, he wasn't going to give in. I didn't answer his rhetorical questions, instead I got upstairs and dropped myself on the double bed. I had to try to sleep, my dreams were the only place where I could escape his firm grip.


	3. A glimpse of love

_A/N: I don't own anything, Stephenie does.  
Thank you guys so much for the reviews! I really appreciate them and they make me smile and feel proud about the story.. :D I'm glad you guys like it.  
Here's the next chapter, enjoy!_

**Chapter 3: A glimpse of love**

_**Three weeks later  
**_Alice had just arrived, Edward had given my proposal some thought and had decided that I would probably be safe with Alice for a while. It had been three weeks since I last saw her and I was very happy to see her again. After she left the last time Edward had been totally cocky about himself being so tolerant. I didn't agree, I thought he was being a moron, a selfish bastard for locking me inside the house as he did. But even though I wanted to so badly, I couldn't talk about this with Alice, what would she think? I wore a long-sleeved shirt again and jeans, like I always did when I'd see someone other than Edward. The bruises always left, but were soon to be replaced with new ones. My bottom lip was permanent swollen and this time, I hadn't thought of an excuse. Edward told Alice to keep me save and asked me to not do anything stupid, I knew what he meant. He begged me not to tell Alice, about how he treated me and I probably wouldn't. He kissed me goodbye and then left, noting that he'd be back in a few hours. As soon as he slammed the door behind him Alice hugged me again, her touched gave me goose bumps and even though they didn't show I was sure Alice knew. I just wasn't used to a soft touch and I loved it.

"Bella, are you sure you're alright?" She asked, soft and sweet. I knew she cared and she didn't want to be nosy, but I couldn't tell her how I really felt. I couldn't do that to my husband.

"Yes, I'm okay."

"Then what will your excuse be, for the swollen lips? You didn't fall off the stairs again did you?" She just was too observing, she saw everything, every flaw. I sometimes doubted if she was sure she could only see the future…. fuck, she saw the future. Would she have seen what had happened? No, probably not, she would have come and saved me right?

"Bella? What's going on? Why are you panicking, it's just me. Relax." She demanded, but not in a creepy way, like Edward did. She was being careful, careful not to break me. She was so unlike Edward, who would just pick me up and carry me to bed, ordering me to sleep. She slowly moved to the couch, still embracing me and I couldn't speak. I didn't know what to say, I was trying to come up with a good excuse but I failed, totally.

"I don't know Alice." I simply said, realizing I wasn't really answering a question that had been posed. She softly kissed my cheek and then turned away from me. She grabbed my hand and looked at me with questioning eyes.

"Alice, how long before he gets back?"

"3 hours, approximately." I tried to make small talk but she didn't fall for it.

"Bella, what is he doing to you? What the hell is happening? You haven't been at our place for months and you look like you haven't been outside for months either. I'm sorry if you'll think of me as nosy and intruding, but I just can't be here with you not saying anything about it. I care about you, Bella." Her words hit me, hard. I wanted to tell her what had happened these past couple of months, how Edward had acted towards me and how he had deprived me from everything I cared about, but how could I? He was my husband and it wouldn't be fair to him to betray him like that.

"Nothing's going on Alice, really… Don't worry, okay? I care about you too." I mumbled, she would hear me anyway. Her cold hand touched my cheek and this made me shiver, I wanted her to never leave. I needed her to touch me and suddenly, I wasn't in control of my emotions any longer and I let a few tears escape from my eyes. She wiped them away with her thumbs and forced me to look her in the eyes.

"Bella, please don't shut me out. I want to be your friend, I want to help you. Talk to me, what happened?" She pulled me closer and made me lean into her, I could smell her cinnamon and lilac smell and I couldn't think of anything for a moment. Her fingers went through my long brown hair and she genuinely tried to comfort me.

"It's not really important, Alice" I tried to convince her to just drop the subject. But deep down I knew she wouldn't. She pulled me even closer and I felt her cold lips on my forehead.

"Just tell me, my Bella" she whispered, very soft but loud enough for me to hear. My Bella? What?

"I can't, Alice. You wouldn't understand, you'd draw the wrong conclusion…"

"Try me!" she raised her voice a little, but it didn't scare me. She could never scare me.

"It's just that…" I sobbed again, more tears rolled down my cheeks and Alice tried her best to wipe them all away. "Edward isn't really in control of himself, and…"

"He bit you?!" Her voice soothed me, she sounded surprised, in a negative way. I nodded slightly.

"He didn't mean to. It's just.. He won't change me, and he wants to make love to me, and it doesn't work."

"Okay, and why haven't you been to our place in such a long time?" She mumbled something that I couldn't hear but I doubt it was anything nice.

"He's a little protective, and doesn't want me to leave the house." She sighed and her eyes widened.

"He… He made this house your prison didn't he?" She asked, softly. I nodded and started crying, she comforted me by whispering sweet words in my ears and she caressed my head and arms. After a while I calmed down a little and felt slightly better. But there was also guilt, a lot of it.

"Alice, you can't tell anyone.. He will…"

"Bella! Does he hit you? I just.. have to know." I didn't react, I couldn't say the words, not out loud. When I looked at her I could see she was angry, very much so, but I didn't want her to confront Edward. "Please don't tell him about this, he doesn't want me to tell anyone." I begged her, she relaxed a little and kissed my forehead again. She then quickly grabbed my arm and pulled up my sleeve, revealing many bruises and some cuts, from the glass I had fallen into quite some times. Her eyes widened again and her chilly, delicate fingers traced the bruises and cuts. It felt so good, I didn't want her to stop and closed my eyes. She continued and the strangest feeling came over me, I felt the urge to kiss her. How was that possible? I was married to her brother, she was merely my best friend, right? Her other hand slowly moved to the small of my back and her fingers circled over my skin.

"Shh Bella, it's alright. I'm here now. I will take you away from here, you won't ever have to see him again, if that's what you want" she whispered these words in my ears. At first I nodded, but then I gained some common sense, she couldn't do that.

"No, Alice. I can't, you can't. He needs me, I… need him. And besides, if I leave, what will he do? He will be faster, he will catch up to us…" I started to panic. I wanted so badly to leave with Alice and never come back, but I couldn't.

"Okay, Bella, easy now honey. Should I talk to him? Should I fight him? Tell me, what should I do?" She still whispered and it made me feel loved, in some way. I bet Alice would never bite me, or try to. Other than changing me, that is. That could have been the solution.

"No Bella, I can't do that. Everything but that. I will kill him if I have to, I will do everything! But I cannot change you, not yet. I'm too scared I will lose you, I couldn't live with myself if I'd lose you like that" she said, tenderly. Okay, so that wasn't a solution.

"Don't do anything then. I will be fine, eventually. He won't kill me, you don't have to worry" I mumbled. I didn't really know what to say, I just didn't want Alice to leave. Somehow I felt the urge to hold on to her and touch her, love her.

"Bella, I have to. I love you!" I could see how she wanted to cry tears that would never fall and I felt bad for her.


	4. How to love a vampire

_A/N: I don't own anything, Stephenie does.  
Thank you guys for reading this story, and reviewing it, that really brightens my days!  
Okay, from this chapter on there's going to be a few lemons. I have to warn you, I really suck at writing those but they are needed in order for the story to work out.. So bear with me!  
Enjoy!_

**Chapter 4: How to love a vampire**

Edward had come back a few hours after my emotional moment with Alice and had thanked her for watching over me. Little did he know about me telling her. She had told me some time in the past that she'd found a way to shield her thoughts from him, so he didn't have to know. I said a quick goodbye to her and she witnessed the dimming of light in my eyes. She had smiled sympathetically, but sadly the smile didn't reach her eyes. She too muttered a goodbye and then left. Edward took me to the living room and kissed me passionately, he then pulled me close and told me how much he had missed me and how he didn't like leaving me alone for so long. I couldn't comprehend, 3 hours wasn't that long, was it?

"Tell me about it. Did you have a good time with your family?" I tried to distract him from hurting me again.

"Yeah, it was fun. I had missed them a little more than I realized. Emmett and Jasper told me about the happenings in Forks, nothing much of course. And Esme cursed at me for not coming over as much, funny because I have never heard her curse before." He giggled in silence and I liked the effect his family had on him. His mood had completely changed and I desperately hoped he would go over there more often, perhaps take me with him one day.

"I have never heard her do such a thing either. I'm glad it was fun! Me and Alice had a lot of fun too, we watched a movie and talked about the weather and such" I lied. I wasn't going to tell him what we really talked about, I couldn't.

"Good thing. You didn't tell her about my horrible behavior did you? Because Bella, you know I don't mean to slip as often as I do. I'm so sorry about that, you know that don't you?"

"I know Edward. And it's okay, I know you're only trying. I love you," I meant it. I did love him, more than I should. And it was okay, he hurt me but I forgave him for it. He never really wanted to hurt me.

"Okay. Well I'm glad you and Alice had fun. Next time I will take you with me, to my family, they have been asking about you. Told them you were just fine." He smiled his crooked smile I loved so much. He was like a totally different person after his visit, I loved it. He was like the old Edward, I was so grateful for his family. I soon felt his cold lips reaching for mine and prepared myself for another scar. So far for the great moment.

"Edward… Are you sure?" I muttered. He nodded and kept on kissing.

"I'm sure I won't slip this time! I promise." He had said that so many times, and every time he broke his promise and bit me. He carried me upstairs, for another try. He quickly undressed me and himself, quick enough for him not to lose himself. He avoided my lips this time and went straight for my neck, I felt my heartbeat quicken and hoped he wouldn't bite me there, for then I would be powerless. He kissed my jaw, and went back to my neck again. My vein pumped against his lips and I felt his razor-sharp teeth against my skin.

"Edward, please… Don't!" I begged, I didn't want to move. Knowing he was on predator-mode and if I would move he'd snap my neck within a second. He didn't bite, though. He moved his lips from my neck to my chest and went for my breasts, he nibbled softly on my nipple. Not losing control, or so I was praying for. Before I knew it I felt his lips on my abdomen, he went down to my pubis and caressed my skin with his cold lips. This was farther than we ever went and he hadn't hurt me so far. He suddenly stopped kissing my skin and went back up, his lips captured mine and two of his fingers went to explore the inside of me. I moaned and felt his lips change into a smile.

"You see, I _can_ do it" he whispered. He kissed my lips once more and moved back to my neck again. His hand continued its work inside my vagina. His other hand caressed my cheeks and the back of my head. My hand reached for his penis, I wanted him inside of me. Now that everything was working out so great, I didn't want to keep this from happening any longer. But he didn't let me, dominant as he was.

"Bella, don't. I want to do this myself, I have to be in control." I knew he was right and so I backed off. He moved his fingers inside of me and I moaned once again. He then removed his fingers from me and replaced them with his penis. Everything he did went nice and smooth and it was going to work, for once, he wouldn't hurt me. I had just, finally, lost my virginity and I liked every second of it!

"Edward, I love you, so much!" I moaned. But then something very unexpected happened, I heard Alice's voice, moaning. _"I love you, Bella"_ she said. When I opened my eyes it was actually Edward speaking those words. This was weird, my first time and Alice was with me, inside my head. I decided not to think about it and just enjoy the moment, Edward tried his best and got me to my first ever orgasm. I screamed his name and he grinned at me, totally proud of himself.

"I knew I could!" He seemed really happy and I didn't want to ruin that moment for him.

"I knew you could too, thank you Edward." He laid down next to me and kissed my cheek with his cold and hard lips. I smiled contently and turned to kiss his lips. And yet again I thought of Alice, what would an experience like this be with her? I bet she'd be a great kisser, I pushed these thoughts away from me. I questioned myself, how could I possibly be thinking about her after making love with Edward. He was my husband, not her. _Get over it_ I told myself.

"Bella, thank you for not leaving me" Edward whispered in my ear, making me feel aroused again. How could I not forgive him, for treating me the way he did. It was simply impossible not to forgive him, but sometimes he would make me so angry and scared.

"Edward, I love you. I just.. I sometimes need a little more freedom, a little more space. I need to be around people a little more, that brings me happiness." I chose my words carefully, I didn't want to piss him off again.

"I know, my Bella." My Bella? No no no, that was Alice's thing! He couldn't… yes he could, I was his, I was his wife.

"But it's difficult for me to leave you alone. Next time you can come with me to see my family, and maybe Alice could come over a little more often? Would that help?" He was just too sweet, he did care about my feelings, I was sure of that. But somehow it didn't feel like this was enough, I longed for something more… Something he could never give me, I longed for Alice's touch. I couldn't comprehend, I had Edward, what more could I possibly ask for? Why wouldn't these thoughts of Alice just leave me alone? I was in love with Edward! Or wasn't I?


	5. The pain of anger

_A/N: I don't own anything, Stephenie does.  
Thank you guys again so much for reviewing! Those sweet words of encouragement really make my day and make me feel guilty for not just uploading the whole story.. :P But where would be the fun in that? I hope you'll like this chapter. Enjoy!_

**Chapter 5: The pain of anger**

From the day Edward had succeeded in having sex with me, things were slightly better. He still lost control sometimes and hit me but he always made up. He let me see Alice a little more often and that pleased me, very much. My feelings for Alice only got worse, I knew I was falling for her but I couldn't keep myself from seeing her. Edward had one time granted me permission to go outside and take a walk with Alice, he was now very confident I wouldn't try to leave him. After the achievement of making me orgasm he was convinced of the love I felt for him. Alice never brought up the subject again, but I knew she wanted to. I knew that it was just her who could see that the light still wasn't brought back to my eyes, even though I pretended to be happy, I wasn't, and she knew it. A few days earlier Carlisle had called Edward and asked when he and I were going to come over, Edward had agreed on the idea and was taking me to his family today. I was very much looking forward to it, it had been so long ago since we had seen each other and I missed them like crazy!

Edward and I took his Volvo and were at the house in 10 minutes time, he held my hand and got me to the front door. Esme was already on the porch and embraced me.

"Bella! I have missed you so much, it's so good to see you again!" she said with her motherly voice.

"I missed you too Esme, you have no idea." I hugged her tight and then we let go of each other, Edward grabbed my hand again and we got inside. The whole Cullen-clan was waiting for us in the living room and as soon as I got there I was held up and rotated in the air.

"I'm happy to see you too Emmett." I let a smile escape my lips and he quickly kissed my forehead, grinning. Even though Emmett knew I hated it to be lifted up so fast I couldn't prepare myself for it, I couldn't be angry with anyone right now. Jasper hugged me too, as did Carlisle and Alice of course. She was so petite, I lifted her a little while embracing her tightly. When we let go of each other I saw Rosalie standing behind Alice, she too embraced me and that was truly shocking. She always hated me so much, what had happened these past few months? But of course I couldn't be angry with her either, she was family and I loved her just as much as the rest of them. I just never expected her to feel the same way.

"I missed you, Bella" she said, in a very low and soft voice, but I heard her.

"Missed you too, Rosalie." We all sat down and Alice got me something to drink, it had always annoyed me that I was the only one among them who needed to eat and drink but at that moment I could care less. I was just so happy to be with my family again.

"Still human I see?" Carlisle said, probably provoking Edward.

"Shut it, Carlisle. I'm not going to do it, she knows that." Edward hissed, his eyes darkened again and I tried to make him relax. While I was doing so I saw Alice glare at me, when I looked her way she smiled and turned to talk to Rosalie. She and Jasper were feet apart from each other and I wondered if they had broken up. I had a lot of fun that day and Edward seemed to enjoy himself too.

"You mind if I steal Bella for a bit Edward?" Alice asked politely, while she already grabbed my hand. As she did that I felt my skin tingle, like it always did when Alice touched me. Edward nodded briefly and continued his conversation with Esme. Alice took me outside and took me to a place where the family wouldn't be able to hear us.

"Tell me, are you happy or not?" She asked, straight to the point.

"I am" I lied. I couldn't tell her the truth, what would she think?

"Then why do you look so miserable? Bella, don't lie to me, dammit! Why is the light that used to shine inside your eyes out? Why, Bella, why?" Again I could see that if she could, she would have cried her eyes out, but she couldn't. She looked pained, sad and angry. But also there was a look of concern on her face, she cared for me.

"I don't know Alice, okay? I don't know! It doesn't matter either, I won't leave Edward."

"I'm not asking you to. I'm just asking you a simple question, are you happy?" I didn't answer her, again I wanted so much to kiss her, but doing that would mess everything up, I knew that. And so instead of doing anything, I just sat down and remained silent. I let the tears run down my cheek, they were soon swept away by Alice's perfect hands. She sat beside me and pulled me close to her.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to be such a bitch, I'm sorry. Bella, does he still.. hit you?" she asked, she really did care. How could I not answer her, how could I reject her like this?

"Sometimes. But he doesn't mean to Alice, you don't understand. He tries to make everything work, he really does. He even… He…"

"He what Bella? You can tell me" she said, soothing.

"He even made love to me, without biting me. Some time ago. Things are getting better, Al." She closed her eyes for a second and looked at me with an annoyed look on her face.

"And did you want him to?" Again she glared at me.

"Alice! I'm married to him, of course I did!" I left out the part where I heard her voice and saw her face. I didn't want to imagine how she would respond if I told her how I truly felt. She simply nodded but remained silent.

"Alice? Are you and Jasper… Not together anymore?" I just had to know, I didn't want to keep my hopes up, but she was my friend and.. Ugh, who was I fooling?

"No, we aren't. I broke up with him, we… didn't work anymore" she said. It hurt her to talk about it, I could see and so I embraced her, and pulled her close and this time it was me who kissed her forehead and caressed the back of her head. She sobbed in silence and rested her head against my chest.

"Alice, I'm so sorry. I didn't know, I've been such a bad friend lately. I will make up for that okay?" She nodded and told me everything was alright, after all, she broke up. To me that wasn't an excuse, it could hurt like hell to end a relationship, or so I imagined. We talked about it for a while until Alice announced that we should get back.

"Edward's coming to look for you, in a minute or so. Can I carry you home?" she asked me. Edward never asked me, he just picked me up and raced off to where ever he was headed. I nodded and Alice carefully picked me up, made sure I was comfortable and then took me home. Edward was waiting for me and took me to our place as soon as I had said goodbye to everyone. I embraced Esme and she kissed my cheek as I left and went back to my solid existence with Edward, in our horrible cottage. That night Edward wanted to try and make love to me again, but I really didn't feel like it. He, however, didn't believe me and pushed me to it. I didn't want to make him angry and so let him go ahead. It took him only seconds to ruin the moment though, he was a little frustrated and bit my lip too hard again. This time I didn't have to stop him, he stopped himself and laid down next to me.

"Do you think I will ever be able to do it again?" he asked me, sadly. I nodded.

"Of course you can! We will just have to wait for the good moment, when you're well fed and not even a little annoyed with anything. Then it will all work fine, I'm sure." I tried to comfort him, he grabbed me a towel to stop the bleeding. I pushed it against the wound and turned myself away from him, he got the hint and left the bed.

He gave me a moment to myself, a moment for me to think about Alice. That sweet, beautiful Alice, who was in so much pain right now. I instantly hated myself, for not being there for her while she was there for me. For being in love with her while I shouldn't be. For everything that I was. It was my fault that Edward couldn't restrain himself, it was my damn blood that made him do these things.


	6. Broken triangle

_A/N: I don't own anything, Stephenie does.  
Thank you guys for the reviews, alerts and favourites. It really means a lot to me. I'm really not too happy about how this chapter worked out, but I'm not sure how to make it better. So it will just have to do. Enjoy._

**Chapter 6: Broken triangle**

After that day it went downward with Edward. His frustration often won the fight and I had to endure a lot of beating, screaming and failing attempts of having sex. It took only weeks for him to destroy every bit of happiness I felt. The highlights were when I saw Alice, but that wasn't too often, for Edward wouldn't let me. He had gotten back in his old pattern. I tried to talk to him and convince him that it made me happy to see his family but he didn't fall for it, not anymore.

"Why is it they make you happy? And not me?" He asked me one day, the question caught me off guard and I couldn't really think of a proper answer.

"You do make me happy, it's just-"

"Ah shut up! I don't make you happy, do I? Tell me the truth for once!" He yelled at me again, and stood up to approach me.

"You do! Edward, stop it, please. You do, but sometimes you lose control and you hurt me." He wanted me to tell the truth, right? Nope, wrong!

"Do I now? Have you ever thought about yourself, that maybe you hurt me too? No you never have, have you? You're just too selfish to think about how I feel!" He spat the words at me, and it made me wonder what I had done to make him this angry with me.

"Why are you always so angry?" I spat the words too now, I didn't care if it would make him more angry. I had nothing to live for really anyway, so if he'd kill me, then so be it.

"I'm not angry! I just hate it that you're being so selfish. Bella, baby, I'm sorry for treating you badly. I'm just a little confused about some things and, I love you, I do!" He confused me too, I had no idea how he truly felt, what was he trying to do now? Did he actually want to be with me, or was he just too stubborn to let me go and live my life?

"It's okay. Can I call Alice, and ask her to come over?"

"Yes, I need to see Carlisle anyway, it will be a good thing if Alice isn't there." He was being very vague about everything, but I didn't want to push it and so I just went upstairs to call Alice. She said she'd be here in 10 minutes and I made a cup of tea while I was waiting for her. I got all nervous, happy that I would be seeing her again but nervous about being alone with her. When she got here Edward told me that he'd be back in about 2 or 3 hours, he told Alice to take good care of me and then ran off. Alice gave me a hug and whispered something in my ears, I didn't catch it but it didn't matter, I was so happy to see her. We got to the couch and sat down.

"How's life here?" She asked, already knowing the answer.

"Not too good, lately. But, I'm alright" I answered her and asked her how she was doing herself, the answer was a bit vague but I got the hint, which was telling me she didn't want to talk about it.

"Bella, have I told you I love you already?"

"You might have mentioned, somewhere before" I teased her. This caused her to giggle and she quickly kissed my cheek, leaving a tingling spot as she pulled away.

"I love you" she said, grinning.

"I love you more, I'm sure" I said, I grabbed her hand and squeezed it a little. She softly smiled at me and then looking into my eyes.

"No really, I love you, Bella. More than I probably should. And it kills me to see you hurt like this, it does." Wow, was she telling me she was in love with me, or wasn't she? I didn't really know how to respond, what if I drew the wrong conclusion. What if she just loved me very much, as a friend, as a sister? Could I live with myself if I was wrong?

"Now would be the time to say something. I'm sorry Bella, I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I do. And, I just had to tell you. It's killing me, sort of, for I can't really die…" She tried to joke a little and I knew what to do. At times like these, where words wouldn't do, a kiss would. And so I kissed her, softly and carefully, hoping she wouldn't slap me and push me away. I pressed my lips against hers and moved them, a little. She didn't respond and so I pulled myself away, I soon felt her lips against mine again and this time she started it. We kissed each other like this for a while when I felt her tongue against my bottom lip, which was still swollen. I opened my mouth a little and granted her access. Her tongue slipped into my mouth and entwined with mine. I grabbed her hand and placed it on my cheek, my own hands caressed her back, under her shirt. She did the same, then changed position and cupped both of my breasts with her cold but soft hands. I enjoyed every second of her touch but stopped the kiss when she suddenly froze.

"Alice, what's wrong?" I asked her. She looked at me, and to the door, and back at me. Then the door burst and Edward came through, looking more angry than I'd ever seen him before.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing? Get away from her Alice! Out!" he yelled. Alice looked at him, with a pained look on her face but she didn't move an inch.

"No, Edward. I won't get away from her." I was afraid of what he might do to her.

"Alice, please?" I begged her but she ignored me.

"Alice, don't make me hurt you! Get the hell away from here!" This was the jealous side of Edward I hated so much, I realized I had made a huge mistake kissing Alice like that. But I didn't regret it, I couldn't bring myself to regret it.

"Why? So you can beat the crap out of her again?" Alice still looked at him, her voice was soft and sweet, but Edward didn't buy it. He snapped. In a flash he stood in front of us, he pushed me away and because of the vampire-strength he hit me quite hard and I hit a wooden cabinet. I felt blood soaking through my shirt and through my hair. A stream of the crimson liquid seeped down my face and suddenly I was scared to death, I was in a cottage with two vampires who were both pretty angry. That could only mean one thing: trouble. The last thing I saw before I passed out was Alice being pinned to the floor by an angry Edward, I tried to ask him to stop but no sound would leave my lips. I heard the shattering of glass and the breaking of wood. Then everything turned dark.


	7. Waking up in hell

_A/N: I don't own anything, Stephenie does.  
Thank you guys again for the reviews, alerts and favourites, it brightens my day everytime! :D  
Because you're all so in to it, here's the next chapter! Enjoy!_

**Chapter 7: Waking up in hell**

I woke up in a light room, my head hurt and so did my back and arms. I tried to remember what the cause of this pain was but I failed, oh no, I didn't. Edward had run into me and Alice and had pushed me onto a cabinet which caused me to pass out. Alice! Was she still alive? I tried to get up but I couldn't really move, everything hurt too much.

"Just stay down, Bella" a harsh voice spoke. Edward. He was with me, he was still alive, how about Alice?

"Is Alice…" I couldn't really finish the sentence, what if he killed her? I would be stuck in this life forever.

"She's not dead. But I think she learned her lesson. Now there's just you who needs to be dealt with." He threatened me and it worked, I was afraid, very much so. But I didn't really care about my life anymore, without Alice it would suck anyway.

"What did you do to her? Did you hurt her? Edward you don't even know what happened!" I yelled at him, he grinned and looked at me from the chair he was sitting in.

"It doesn't matter what I did to her. I do know what happened, I read minds remember? You two are in love, I guess it's just too bad you're already married. To me." His voice was low and he talked slowly, emphasizing every single word.

"Edward…" I cried, tears were rolling down my face but he didn't seem to care. He had a stoic look on his face and it scared me.

"No more freedom for you, missy. I have given you the space you asked for, I let you see Alice, I took you to my family because I thought you needed friends. You have taken advantage of my friendliness, and I can't accept that. So from now on, you won't see any of them anymore." That hurt me, I was never going to survive that, I needed them. They were my family, I loved them, each and every one of them. Even Rosalie.

"You can't, Edward. It's not normal for a husband to deprive his wife from the rest of the world. I have rights Edward!" His eyes widened and he laughed his crooked smile, only this time, I didn't like it. I hated him, he hurt Alice, he hurt me.

"We're not normal Bella. You have taken advantage of my trusting you, I could never trust you with anyone again and so, there will be no other people in your life but me." I knew he was right, nobody but Alice knew about what he was doing to me and he said he taught her a lesson. Meaning she wouldn't come back, meaning I would probably die here, lonely and cold. I didn't speak, I had nothing to say to him. I was disgusted by his behavior, why would he treat someone this way? He was so possessive, I always knew he was but I used to like it, he made me feel safe and cherished. But now… this was just too much, this wasn't healthy. He was simply abusing me, and I let him. What could I do about it? I was merely human, weak, slow. He was a vampire, strong, fast and apparently very persistent. How could I be so stupid to marry him, this… monster. It wasn't him being a vampire that I hated so much, Alice was a vampire too, and she was simply adorable.

"Bella, from now on I will forbid you to disobey me. You are my wife, you shall do as I say!"

"Yes sir!" I said, sarcastically. "But do you realize we live in the 21st century?"

"It doesn't matter what time we're in, we shall live to my standards!" he shouted at me, he was really angry.

"You don't have the damn right to tell me what to do, Edward! I hate it when you're like this! What on earth did I do to deserve the way you treat me? Don't you love me at all?" I was angry, worse, I was furious at him.

"I can do whatever the hell I want! I do love you, very much, that's why I'm doing this. One day you will understand, Bella. I promise."

"What if I told I don't want to understand? Edward you can't stop me from loving your family, from loving Alice." He stood up and moved towards the bed I was in, he grabbed my hand and pinched it a little, this hurt very much and I gasped of fear.

"Don't ever say you love her again. Do you hear me? Ever!" He let go of my hand and slapped me in the face, very hard. He then turned around and left the room, he left me there, crying. I longed for Alice, I wanted her to comfort me. I wanted to snuggle in to her, to listen to her angelic voice and to feel her icy and yet heartwarming touch. But now, I would never feel that again, thanks to my possessive boyfriend. I mean husband, who felt like he owned me. As if I were a car of his he could kick and yell at when I didn't run right. I turned around and tried to sleep a little, but I wasn't tired. I just woke up from an I-don't-know-how-long coma, so sleep was nowhere to be found. I did notice I was terribly hungry and so I went downstairs to find Edward there, watching at the cabinet I had hit.

"I'm sorry I pushed you that hard, Bella. I shouldn't have." Is he actually apologizing for that? Oh my.

"It's alright. I'm hungry Edward, do we have some food here?"

"Sure. Check the kitchen, I'm sure we've got some cereal" he pointed at the cupboards in the kitchen. I slowly turned around and headed towards the kitchen, looking for food.

"You promised me I wasn't going to lose you. Do you remember?" A stern voice spoke from behind me.

"I know. But I couldn't predict the future could I, I'm no…"

"Alice," he finished my sentence, I simply nodded. I was afraid to name her in front of him, what if he snapped again? I wasn't sure how I would deal with that. I grabbed some cereal, almost stumbling as I couldn't reach the top shelf. Edward reached out for it and handed me a bowl.

"Thank you." I really didn't know how to act around him now, I couldn't figure him out. Worse, I couldn't figure myself out, some part of me felt bad for him and loved him still, but I couldn't understand why. He hadn't ever treated me right, not since we moved here.

"Edward, do you think maybe we should move back in with your parents?" Uh-Oh, wrong question.

"Why would I want to do that?" he asked me, he had a curious look on his face and I realized this wasn't really a rhetorical question.

"Because, I don't know. Maybe it would be better for us, for our relationship. You know, being around other people but just the two of us. We were alright when we were still living there, weren't we?" This was my weak attempt to get myself a chance of a 'happier' life. It would be much happier than being stuck in this shithole forever. Pardon my language.

"Maybe. But I don't think I want to do that. Alice lives there after all and it would be risky, for our relationship I mean" he said, smirking. He seemed to really enjoy the pain he caused me, I wondered why, but I guessed I'd never get an answer to that.


	8. The long forgotten savior

_A/N: I don't own anything, Stephenie does.  
Thank you guys so much for reviewing.. And I know I should kill Edward, but.. no can do..  
Hope you all enjoy this new chapter! _

**Chapter 8: The long forgotten savior. **

_**A month later  
**_It's been a month since I'd last seen Alice, since we'd kissed, since she'd told me how she felt about me. I had missed her every day, every second. Edward had been mean to me, he tried to act nice but I didn't fall for it. He forced me into obeying him, in every aspect of our relationship. He really was too old-fashioned, this wasn't funny anymore. I spent most of my time crying, worrying and aching. The past month there have been maybe 10 minutes, at most, in which I felt like everything was going to be okay. Those minutes were the times where Edward hugged me like he used to, kissed me like he used to or spoke about missing his family. But they were mere 10 minutes, and that wasn't much. He didn't leave much, only to hunt once every few days, but that took him just 5 minutes. Not nearly long enough to secretly call Alice and ask her how she was doing, besides, he never went far so he would hear me do it.

"Your father called, this morning," Edward said one afternoon as we were both doing our thing.

"What did he want?" I already knew what he wanted, he was my father and hadn't seen me in over 6 months, so it was pretty clear what he wanted.

"He asked me if you were still alive. He wanted to see you. I think we should go see him some time." This surprised me, he volunteered to go see my dad? Awesome, or not? Was this some kind of sick game he was playing?

"That would be great. I miss him so much." I meant that, I really did miss my dad. We had gotten pretty close during the time I'd spend with him. He had warned me for Edward multiple times, he never trusted him, I guess I now understand why.

"Okay, we can go tomorrow? Or next week, you decide."

"Tomorrow." Edward nodded and continued playing the piano. I thought it looked hideous in our little cottage, well, the cottage wasn't really that small. But the piano definitely was too big, too shiny and didn't match with the rest of the interior but I knew it was his precious piece of furniture and so I had allowed him to move the damn thing. I loved it when he played for me, but he didn't really do that anymore. About 20 minutes later I saw Edward stiffen, he got off the piano chair and moved towards the door.

"Bella, get upstairs! Now!" He yelled, for what it seemed he was very angry, or scared, and that probably meant either Alice or another Cullen was close.

"Why? What's happening, Edward?" I asked him, he didn't answer, just ordered me to go upstairs. I, however, refused and didn't move an inch. I heard Emmett's booming voice, he was calling for Edward to get the hell out of the house. Edward got more and more frustrated and me not leaving the room didn't really help. He slowly opened the door and I caught a glimpse of the Cullen family standing in front of him. Was this really happening, were they really saving me? That wasn't possible, or was it?

"What the hell are you all doing here? Go away, Bella and me are not up for visitors today!" He said, he tried to be calm but was very much annoyed, I could tell.

"Edward, Alice has told us how you've been treating Bella. I'm sorry, son, but I cannot let you do this to her." It was Carlisle, of course it was. This calm tone and wise words could only belong to Carlisle.

"So back off bro, I'm sorry man but Bella's a girl, and she's my damn sister!" That was Emmett, no doubt. Edward truly seemed like he didn't know what to do next, he didn't stand a chance. It was one of him and six of them, they would win no matter what.

"You're not taking her away from me!" he yelled, not knowing what else to say.

"Edward, it's not healthy, this behavior. She deserves a normal life, I'm not saying she can't have that with you, but she deserves friends and family." That sweet and caring voice could only belong to one person, Esme. She'd never say something that would hurt him, not intentionally.

"I'm giving her that. I'm her family and her friend, and besides, we were going to visit Charlie tomorrow" he said, proud of himself for allowing me to see my dad.

"Well good, but Edward, she needs a little more than to see her father once a month. She is human, Edward." She spoke again, I was so thankful Alice had told them all about what had happened. This would be my rescue, they'd come to save me.

"No! I won't let you!" he yelled and ran into Alice, whom he thought was the cause of all this. I jumped off the couch and ran towards the door, I looked at how he pinned Alice to the ground, his hand around her throat. I was so scared he was going to take my Alice away from me. But within a second Emmett was fighting him, together with Jasper.

"Stay away from her, Edward!" Jasper yelled as he and Emmett got him away from her and pushed him against a tree. It was a waste of time to fight Emmett, he was so strong and Edward knew that too. I couldn't watch this, how could I be the cause of all this, what did I do? I collapsed and dropped myself to the floor, I closed my eyes and a few seconds later I felt two cold hands on my shoulders.

"Honey, come on. It's alright, are you coming with us?" It was Esme, she looked so worried. I nodded, she picked me up and carried me outside.

"Edward, you son of a bitch! How could you even think of doing this to a girl? You're so low!" Rosalie was screaming at him, I remembered the story Rosalie had once told me, about her past and I knew how this would remind her of that past. She was yelling at Edward and I never really expected her to stand up for me like that, but she did and I was so grateful. Alice didn't look at me, she was only looking at Rosalie, who was still yelling.

"Let me go, now! You guys should just let me and Bella live in peace, alone. You don't have the right to take her away from me, we're married!" Edward was still making attempts to make them leave and leave me with him. But they weren't falling for it.

"I'm sorry man, I love you, but you can't treat someone that way. She's only human and besides, you can't act like she's some toy of yours you can play with. You're not good for her." I had always known Emmett had a soft side, and this was actually the first time he showed me this soft side. Alice still didn't look at me, but I wanted her to, so badly. It was as if she was ashamed of herself, but why would she be? She had done everything in her power, right? I looked at Esme, my eyes begging for her to let me go, she understood and let go of me. I briefly hugged her but then turned to Alice, she intentionally ignored me and I didn't understand why.

"Alice?" She turned my way but her eyes never met mine.

"We will talk back at the house. Not here, I've got a brother to kill." She looked stoic, but I knew how much she was hurting.

"No, Alice. Don't kill him, he's not worth it. He's your brother, you can't…"

"Bella, shut it! You have no idea what happened, you were unconscious. He stopped being my brother a month ago. Get back to Esme, she will take you home. I will meet you there." She really was planning on killing Edward, but I wasn't worried. Carlisle wouldn't let her, would he? No, Carlisle loved his son, no matter what he'd done. He wouldn't let his Alice kill him.

"Alice. You must relax. Just go home with Esme and Bella, we will take care of this. You won't have to kill him, that will not be necessary, I assure you." Alice couldn't disobey him and so she raced home. I let Esme carry me and she took me to their house, my one and only true home. When we got there she brought me upstairs, to Alice's bedroom. Alice wasn't there, of course she wasn't.

"Esme, what am I doing here?"

"Shh, Bella. You should sleep a little, I will bring you something to drink in a while and when you're hungry, just give me a call alright? You can relax now, nobody's going to hurt you." Her words were so soothing and I had no choice but to believe her.

"Why here? I mean, Alice won't like it if I use her bed." This was true, somehow Alice was very angry with me and I doubted she'd like it if she found me here.

"No, she won't mind. Just sleep Bella, really. Don't worry." I took her word for it and moved towards the bed, Esme quickly kissed my forehead and left the room. I looked around and noticed that this room hadn't changed a bit in 6 months time. The only change I was expecting was her closet, it would probably be even more stuffed than last time I was here. But I was too tired to go see if I was right, it took me mere moments to fall asleep.


	9. Take care of her

_A/N: I don't own anything, Stephenie does.  
Thank you guys so much for all the reviews, alerts and favourites.. Everytime I read them I do my little happy-dance :P  
Okay, this chapter is a little longer than what you're used to (I don't think any of you will complain, right?). Also, I didn't add the wolves in this story, and I'm not really sure why.. :P I might do that later. For now I'm a bit stuck, I actually have 14 chapters so far, and it could end there. But if I come up with a good idea (or if any of you do) I might add another chapter and see where it leads me.. I'm just not sure yet. I'm sorry if this chapter sucks, anyway, enjoy!_

**Chapter 9: Take care of her**

When I woke up Esme was with me, in the room. It was just the two of us, she smiled at me and handed me a cup of tea.

"Drink this, you might feel a little better." Her voice was soft and sweet, so different from what I was used to hear. Edward's voice always sounded hollow to me, and he was never sweet, unlike he used to be. I thanked Esme for the tea and drank it. I noticed the sweet taste of honey and cinnamon. I smiled at Esme, as a sign of gratitude. She noticed and softly brushed my arm with her hand.

"Bella, are you alright? Do you need anything? Food, maybe?" I could tell she was really trying and I didn't want to disappoint her. Besides, I was quite hungry.

"Well, I am a little hungry, but I could get some food myself" I offered. Of course she wouldn't hear of it and she was already on her way downstairs to make me a sandwich. I finished the cup of tea and when she got back to me I quickly finished the sandwich. It was only until I felt the first bite slide down my throat that I noticed how hungry I really was.

"Bella, Alice is downstairs. She wants to talk to you, is it okay if I send her up?"

"Yeah, sure. It's her room isn't it?" I tried to make a joke of it but I failed. Esme grinned a little and then left, only seconds later Alice knocked the door. I told her to come in and so she did, but she never looked into my eyes. I couldn't help but wonder what it was that made her so distant, what did Edward do to her? Was did I do to her?

"Are you feeling any better?" she asked, with that soft and velvet voice of hers. I felt the hairs on my neck prickle and nodded at her.

"I do now." My weak attempt of flirting with her, at the complete inappropriate moment of course. She smiled, but again, the smile didn't reach her eyes.

"Alice, what did he do to you?" I just had to know. He wouldn't answer me, he wouldn't speak about her in any way but I had to know. Now all my hope was on Alice, could she tell me what had happened after I passed out?

"That's not important, Bella. What's important is what he did to you. I'm so sorry Bella, I'm so sorry that I didn't protect you when I should have. I'm sorry I couldn't keep him away from you." Her voice broke and she was speechless, as was I. Why would she be sorry? She was what kept me going. The thought of her kept me alive, sort of. Seeing her face when he kissed me made it all bearable. And now she was apologizing to me? While she had always been my savior?

"Don't apologize to me, Alice. You have no idea what you have done for me, I will never be able to tell you, to express my feelings for you. But just take my word for it, you have helped me so much. You did so much for me, you really have no idea." I knew it was cheesy, but what else could I say? She seemed to accept my words and didn't nag about it.

"But please, tell me what he did. What did he say to you?"

"Bella, he is downstairs. He wants to take you home, and we will have to let him, unless you decline." Her eyes were sad, and I imagined she was afraid I'd go back home with him. But now that I was saved, I could never voluntary go anywhere with him.

"I don't want to… But I will have to, won't I?"

"Of course not. Bella, you don't have to do anything you don't want to! You can stay here, or go back to Charlie's!" Her eyes lit up a little, when I told her I didn't want to go back home with him.

"He will find me there, and take me away. I will have to stay somewhere else, with you. Alice, please don't let him take me away from you!" I cried, I couldn't stop the tears from falling any longer, I didn't really want to either. Her hand cupped my cheek and I soon felt her lips on mine, this was her way of telling me she wouldn't let him hurt me anymore. I knew I was safe with her, she wouldn't let anything happen to me.

"I love you" I said as I broke the kiss. She smiled again, and her laughter filled the room. Her bright smile was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen, she was the most beautiful person who had ever walked this earth, I was sure. Cheesy again, but true.

"I love you more" she grinned. I quickly kissed her and she laid down next to me.

"Alice, do I have to see him again?" I really didn't want to, I just wanted to stay in that room, with Alice, forever. I wanted for her to hold me and never let go again. I wanted to hide away in her room, in her closet if I really had to. I'd do anything, but I didn't want to see Edward, not again. I knew the effect he had on me and he'd probably be able to talk me out of staying here and that would ruin my life.

"Yes, you have to take care of the divorce, if that's what you decide to do. And Carlisle wants to know what happened, as do the rest of the family. I only told them what I thought they needed to know." She explained me about everything carefully, she continually kissed my cheek and wiped away the tears that kept coming. I nodded, I knew I owed them all an explanation, but I wasn't sure if I would be able to, not with Edward around. Alice prepared me for it and promised me that she wouldn't leave my side, not again. She promised me that I was never going to be alone again, and I believed her. We went downstairs and I mentally prepared myself to face him, he who was supposed to be the love of my life, but turned out to be the complete opposite. He sat on a chair, he looked at me sadly as I entered the room. Alice held my hand, softly squeezing it, as a reminder that I wasn't alone. Emmett sat next to Edward, he'd be able to keep him away from me and I felt much safer.

"Bella, tell them what really happened. They're wrong, right? I would never do such things to you, we're happy. Tell them!" His eyes begged me, but as much as I was tempted to, I didn't fall for it.

"I'm sorry Edward, but I can't. I don't want to lie anymore, not for you, not for myself, not for anyone. You hurt me, and you probably didn't mean to, but you did." I spoke the words slowly and very soft, there was no need for me to speak up because I knew they could all hear me as if I were screaming.

"You're lying! I haven't hurt you, not intentionally! I love you Bella, I do!" I couldn't watch him, instead I looked at Rosalie who was shooting daggers at him. I could tell she was really angry with him, and I could imagine why.

"I love you too, Edward. Or at least I used to, I love the Edward I fell in love with. But he hasn't been around for a while and my heart's been passed on to someone else. Someone who…" I couldn't continue the sentence, I knew I was hurting him and I didn't want to do that.

"Someone who probably deserves it a lot more than you do." It was Rosalie, she had finished the sentence for me. Edward glared at her but she didn't move an inch, she wasn't startled by his threatening looks. Again I felt tears welling up and slowly making their way over my face. Jasper got over to me and sat next to me, I could see how hard this was for him, to restrain himself and therefore admired him even more. He softly touched my shoulder and pulled me into a hug.

"It's going to be alright, Bella. Don't worry! You don't have to, really." He was comforting me in a brotherly way, this was the sort of affection I had missed these past few months. I suddenly felt a lot calmer and knew this was Jasper's doing. I mouthed a _'thank you'_ to him and he nodded silently. Alice still held my hand and I felt really loved now, I was surrounded by people who cared for me, why couldn't Edward just feel the same way. It would have been all so different, or wouldn't it?

"Bella, you are my wife. You can't just leave me like that, for better or worse right? You are supposed to be there for me in times like these!" He was now blaming me for this whole situation and it made Alice furious. I could see her eyes darken and her body tensed up.

"Shut up Edward! You have no right to say things like these to Bella. You are the cause of her bruises, her scars, you were the one she trusted Edward. You were supposed to be there for her! Don't go and blame her for your mistakes!" She was now yelling at him, I had never seen her this angry and it frightened me a little. Edward didn't speak again and Alice slowly relaxed a little, she held my hand again and our fingers laced together.

"Edward, you know I would never kick you out of the house or dismiss you from this family. But for now I think it would be best if you left. I'm sorry, but I think Bella needs a little time away from you. Maybe we could talk about this again in a few days?" Carlisle offered, he remained so business-like. To everyone else it would look like he had no emotions to share, but those who knew him a little better would know this hurt him a lot too. Edward simply nodded and left, he was gone... This was impossible for me to comprehend, everything that had happened today was.

"Bella, would you like to sleep some more?" Carlisle asked me. He understood the human-body very well (he was a doctor after all) and noticed how tired I really was. I nodded at him and this was a sign for Alice to take me upstairs.

"Please, don't go away?" I begged her when she turned away and headed for the door.

"Are you sure? Don't you think you need a little alone-time? I don't think you've had much of that lately?" She softly smiled at me but came back to the bed immediately. She sat down next to me and removed some strands of hair from my face. My whole body tingled at her touch and her hands didn't at all feel cold to me. She was so beautiful, how could I have been so blinded by my love for Edward to not notice this. Her beauty was exceptionally, really. The kind you didn't see too often, and right then, that kind of beautiful sat in front of me.

"I'm sure" I whispered, right before I crashed my lips into hers. I couldn't resist the urge any longer, would we really get this shot? Would I be given the chance of a normal relationship, with someone who'd treat me well. I knew that Alice would never be able to hit me or to accidentally bite my lips off. At that moment I wanted nothing but to be close to her, and kissing her like this was being close.

"Why hadn't we met before I met Edward?" I asked her, she didn't answer and she didn't have to. It was a rhetorical question anyway. Her answer was nothing less than yet another perfect kiss from her lips, this time I let a moan escape my lips. I didn't notice someone knocking the door until Alice broke the kiss. Rosalie entered the room and asked Alice if she could have a second with me, Alice left and Rosalie silently took her place on the bed.

"I'm sorry Bella, for everything. And I'm sorry if this question will upset you, but I just have to ask. Did he… Did he rape you, Bella?" While she asked me this her hand touched mine briefly and this startled me. I never expected her to be so intimate with me.

"I'm not sure. He did… try to have sex with me while I told him I didn't want to. But not like… like in the movies, or the stories," I was being completely honest. In the end I had given in and let him try, I never really fought him off, so… Would that be considered to be rape?

"Did you protest? Did you try to kick him off you?" Her voice got a little less nice this time. She'd never been very patient with me, and it wasn't any different this time.

"I protested, but I didn't fight him. Rosalie, his eyes were black every time he tried, I was afraid that he'd kill me." I tried to explain this to her, and I could see that she understood.

"I'll take this as a yes then. Oh Bella I feel so bad for you. If you want to talk about this, then… I mean, I know I haven't been through the same exactly, but-"

"Thank you, Rosalie. I really appreciate that." I cut her off, I knew this was hard for her, to be nice to me I mean. And I didn't want to push her. She smiled at me and gave me a quick hug, then left the room. A second later Alice was back and this time she wouldn't kiss me. She would just sit by me and tell me to fall asleep, as I did, very soon after.


	10. Shopping in wonderland

_A/N: I don't own anything, Stephenie does.  
Thank you all again so much for everything, it means the world to me.  
I'm really stuck now, I'm not at all happy about the way this story ends right now, and I want to add some more chapters. But they're going to take me some time to write and therefore I will not be updating every day anymore. I'm also working on a way to get the wolves involved, because you're all right, they should be. I hope you'll still read the story, even when I don't update every day.  
Here's the next chapter, enjoy!_

**Chapter 10: Shopping in wonderland**

_**Two weeks later**_

I hadn't seen Edward in two weeks and I felt so much better. Most of the bruises were fading and my lips were less swollen too. The Cullens all took really good care of me and they were more than friendly. Alice was the perfect friend to me, and much more than that. But still, the nightmares I had of Edward hadn't left me yet and the thought of him haunted me everywhere I went. The fear of him coming back to get me was always inside my mind. I could never let myself go, and just forget about everything, because deep down he was present, in my mind. Alice knew but she didn't mind, she gave me as much time as I needed and hadn't made any kind of unexpected move. I truly loved her, so very much and I knew that it was her I wanted to spend the rest of eternity with. I went to see Charlie every day now, he too knew what Edward had done to me and hated him for it. He'd do anything to protect me, but he was just an ignorant human, he had no idea how unarmed he'd be against Edward.

"Bella, do you want to go out today?" It was Alice, she tried to cheer me up as often as she could and nowadays even shopping cheered me up. I nodded enthusiastically and caught her as she ran towards me.

"Cool, shall we go to Port Angeles, maybe we could go see a movie or something?" She tried to avoid the whole shopping thing as often as she could, because she knew I never liked it and she didn't want to make me do things I didn't like.

"Maybe we could go shopping?" I offered, I knew she'd never turn such an offer down and the feeling that went through me when I saw that beautiful, huge smile of hers was really indescribable. She quickly went downstairs to make me breakfast and as soon as I had finished that she dragged me into her beautiful, yellow Porsche and got us to Port Angeles. Her hand rested on my thigh all the way there and I enjoyed every second of her touch. She stiffened and when I looked at her I saw her eyes were blank, this could only mean one thing, a vision. As soon as she moved again I asked her about it.

"It would ruin the day if I told you, so I won't" she grinned at me. I knew it had something to do with Edward, but she didn't seem too alarmed and so I decided to ignore it. I kissed her cheek and laid my head to rest against her shoulder. Her shoulder which would seem so hard and cold to anyone else, anyone but me, to me her shoulder was the best pillow I could imagine. Her way of driving granted us to reach the mall within half an hour. She kissed me briefly before we both got out of the car. She locked the doors and grabbed my hand as we got inside. I still hated shopping, but I loved to spend time with her and if it would be like this, I would embrace all the clothes she wanted me to wear.

We wandered through the mall all afternoon, Alice had found me multiple outfits to try on and had insisted on buying all of them for me. The only store I had refused entering was Victoria's Secret. I was very self-conscious about my body and I didn't like to see it. Although most bruises were gone there were still a lot of scars that I didn't want to show, neither did I want for Alice to see them. She soon after my refusal had promised me she wouldn't make me try anything on and her puppy-eyes did what they do best… they convinced me to believe her. She tried on some lingerie and made me look at her, she was so beautiful, it was indescribable. Her pale-white skin looked beautiful when wrapped in black with purple laced underwear, she was just drop-dead gorgeous.

"So, you like it?" she'd asked me in a seductive tone that made me feel weak in the knees. I knew it was all very cheesy but she was just so gorgeous.

"Y-yes" I stuttered, this obviously amused her, a small smile danced on her lips. She briefly touched my hand and gave me one of her very seductive smiles. I gave in, I couldn't resist her any longer and softly kissed her lips. She returned the kiss and a few seconds later I felt her slender arms snaking around my waist.

"That's good" she moaned in between the kisses. I was now officially turned on. How was it possible for her to have such an effect on me? Then she stopped the kiss and I felt disappointed. My pouting face caused her to giggle and that sound – just like all her sounds- made me smile. She gently pushed me out of the fitting-room and got dressed. Mere seconds later we were leaving the store.

"What do you feel like eating?" she asked me.

"Don't know, anything will do after that make out session, and after seeing that sexy body of yours." I winked at her and couldn't believe I had just said that. This made her chuckle again and I figured she was thinking the same thing.

"Italiano it will be then, is that alright?"

"You really don't want to watch me struggle with spaghetti!" I already was ashamed of my blunt way of eating and spaghetti wouldn't make that easier.

"Italiano isn't just spaghetti, my Bella." The words _'my Bella' _made me all warm on the inside. It was just so romantic when she said them, unlike Edward's possessive tone. We entered the Italian restaurant and Alice ordered me a pizza, this definitely was embarrassing but Alice didn't seem to mind so neither should I have, or so I thought. I shot a glare at her every time she giggled at me failing to eat the pizza without staining anything, but my glares only made her amount of perfect chuckles increase and so I stopped glaring. Instead I focused on the pizza. I was too focused to enjoy its taste and this was definitely the worst meal I had ever had. After I finished and forced Alice not to pay the check we went to the cinema to see a movie. We picked a cliché romantic one and neither of us really liked it. We were both too focused on each other and being with her made the movie slightly enjoyable. The ride back home was a little silent and I noticed some changes in Alice's behavior.

"Al, what's going on?"

"Must you notice everything, my Bella?"

"I guess. I hate to be left in the dark, Alice. Tell me, what's going on!" I demanded to know what was on her mind.

"Edward, he just arrived at home, he's waiting for you" she said. I was suddenly terrified, what did he want? It had been a few weeks since they'd saved me from Edward and Alice had still never told me what it was that Edward had done when they got into that fight. But I still wanted to know, and she knew it. But she kept avoiding the subject. Knowing Edward was back at the house made me realize that maybe, if she didn't tell me now, she'd never get the chance to tell me.

"Alice… That day, when Edward found out… What did he do to you?" She stiffened, this sure was a difficult subject for her. "Please, Alice. Maybe, after today, you won't ever get the chance to tell me, and I have to know! I need to know what-"

"Okay, Bella. I just feel so weak when I think about it. I feel weak because I couldn't handle him, he was stronger than me, Bella. I didn't know that, I always thought I'd be stronger than him. I think that if we'd fight now, I would win, though. But, he got on top of me and bit me, my neck. It hurt, the venom stung a little, but that didn't bother me as much. Just knowing that my brother was on top of me, doing this. I knew that from that moment he wasn't my brother anymore, because a brother would never do that to his sister. I tried to fight him, and believe me, I bit him too, multiple times. He was just… stronger. He dragged me outside and…" She didn't continue. She just stared out of the windshield and I could see the tears in her eyes. It really hurt her to talk about it. I touched her arm which caused her to look at me, her golden eyes had darkened a little. But I wasn't scared, she couldn't scare me.

"Bella, he dragged me outside and slammed my head into a tree. He threatened to kill me, and you, and Jasper, and the rest of the family. I don't even know why I was scared, because he could never pull that off. There was absolutely no chance he'd kill Emmett. But mostly it was you I was scared for. I didn't want him to kill you, but back then he was stronger than me, and he could easily have killed us both. I tried to fight him, Bella… I really did-"

"Shh! I know, Alice. I know," I cooed her. She shook her head and her eyes begged me to let her continue.

"I should never have left, I should have kept on fighting. But I couldn't, and I'm so sorry for that. The threat of him killing you if I wouldn't leave was just too much. But I really didn't want to leave. I'm not even worth your love, Bella."

"Alice, you're worth every ounce of my love. You fought, and even if you wouldn't have, I would still love you. I'm sorry, I just had to know what happened, it was torturing me." She nodded and we both decided not to fight over this. I kissed her lips and she kissed me back. After a few minutes she got me ready to face Edward, who was waiting for us to show up.


	11. Our sweet loving

_A/N: I don't own anything, Stephenie does.  
Thank you guys so much for everything, you're really great! :D  
This is the 11__th__ chapter, enjoy!_

**Chapter 11: Our sweet loving**

"Bella, you are coming with me. I have now given you 2 weeks off with my family and it's been enough. I have missed you, why don't you just accept being married to me?" Edward had gotten angry, especially when Alice tried to protect me from him. Carlisle and Esme had also done their best to calm him but the only one who really could wasn't here, Jasper.

"You stay the hell away from her. She doesn't want to be with you anymore, Edward!" Alice defended me and I could see how much it hurt her to talk to her brother like this.

"Alice, stop! He's your brother, you can't talk to him like that. I will go with him, if that solves all this mess." I was willing to give up my chance of happiness if that was what it took to give the Cullen family some peace of mind. But Alice seemed to disagree and she shook her head.

"Bella, is that what you want? You shouldn't do anything you don't want." It was Esme, she was now embracing me, cooing me. I shook my head, and I told her I didn't really want to go, but I just wanted her and the family to not have to worry about me.

"Bella, we will worry about you if you're unhappy. You can't let yourself be unhappy, I won't allow it." I had never expected Carlisle to say these words and here he was, my father-in-law. He truly was one of the most amazing people I'd ever met.

"Why are you doing this to me, Carlisle? I thought you were supposed to stand behind me?" Edward muttered, his eyes were black and he was angry, I could tell.

"I know Edward. And I'm sorry, I truly am. But I cannot watch Bella be unhappy about her life, I will not wait to see that happen." Carlisle by that time stood behind me and briefly touched my shoulder, to show his support. Edward took a few step towards us, he quickly grabbed my wrist and pulled me to him. He lifted me from the floor and held me tight, too tight.

"Edward, no! Let her go! I will not let you take away my Bella!" Alice was now yelling at him, her voice wasn't happy anymore, it was desperate.

"_Your _Bella? She's still wearing my ring, so technically, she's _my_ Bella!" He laughed at her and this infuriated Alice even more. I could see the tears in her eyes, tears that would never fall. From that moment everything was blank, I remember falling from his grip and hitting a wall or something. I remember seeing Alice's teeth sink into Edward's neck and I remember Carlisle pulling her away from him, but nothing more.

I woke up in Alice's bed, that was the second time I had passed out while she and Edward had been fighting. I was glad for that, because I couldn't watch them fight, I was so afraid he'd hurt her. I felt a pinching ache in my back but decided to ignore it and head downstairs, to see if Alice was okay. I was pretty sure she was because I knew Carlisle and Esme wouldn't let Edward hurt her. As I got down the stairs I could hear Edward's voice, together with Esme's, Carlisle's, Alice's and Jasper's. Jasper was home, Edward would be calm by now.

"She's woken up," Carlisle whispered, loud enough for me to catch it. The five vampires turned their heads and were now watching me. I merely waved at them and muttered a _'hi'. _Alice jumped up from her chair and was holding my hand in a flash. She softly kissed it, to Edward's dismay.

"I promise you, my Bella, everything will be alright from now on. It really will, I will take care of you and you shall be fine." These words brought me some hope, hope of a good and Edward-less future. I nodded at her and she pulled me to the rest of her family, that were sitting around the kitchen-table, discussing me, I presumed. She offered me her chair and took the one next to mine herself, she never let go of my hand but surprisingly I didn't hear Edward complain. I did however feel his glare but I ignored it as good as I could.

"Bella, you will have to tell us what you want from now on. What is it you want your future to be like?" Esme's sweet voice asked me. I shrugged my shoulders. All I wanted was to be happy, to have a future with Alice, I wanted for her to turn me into a vampire so that I could spend the rest of eternity with her, but I couldn't say that, could I? No, not with Edward here, it would break his heart, and some stupid part of me still cared about him.

"Happiness…" I muttered. I really was speechless, I knew what I wanted, but I wouldn't tell them, not right now. I wasn't even sure if Alice wanted them to know about how we felt.

"You've got to be a little more specific, Bella. Happiness with whom, where? What is it you want from now on?" It was Edward, he was demanding as always and that moment all my hesitation disappeared. His voice was exactly what I needed, it gave me the courage to break his heart, for as far as that was possible, considering his heart didn't even beat anymore.

"I want to be happy, here. With… With Alice" I said. I immediately looked at her, and I could see her eyes light up. A tiny smile escaped her lips but she tried to remain focused on the situation we were having here.

"Alright, very well then. Edward, I know this must be hard for you, but I have to ask you to let Bella go. Sign the divorce papers as soon as they arrive and try to give her a chance of happiness. You both tried to make this marriage work, but it just didn't. It's hard, I know, but please Edward, don't make this any harder than it is already." Carlisle really knew what to say at moments like these. I really admired that. Edward simply nodded.

"Guess I don't have much of a choice then." An evil grin appeared on his face and this worried me, about his plans. I knew him, he wasn't going to give up this easily. I clung onto Alice and she understood, Jasper did too, better than anyone. He softly nodded at me and his hand briefly touched my shoulder. Edward left immediately and we were left alone, Alice and I.

"Bella, I'm proud of you, very much so. Let's go upstairs, you could use some rest." Alice asked for permission to carry me upstairs and I gave it to her. She softly lifted me up and took me to her bedroom, bridal style. She directed me to the bed and started kissing me. I was instantly aroused and I knew I was ready to take our relationship to the next level. I knew it would be hard, but I also knew Alice would be careful, she'd treat me well and listen to me when I said 'no' to her. We continued kissing and her cold hands reached for the hem of my shirt, she ended the kiss and looked at me, as if to ask for permission. I quickly nodded and that was a sign for her to take off my shirt. Soon after she kissed me again and she unclasped my bra. She slowly took it off, now it was my turn to take off her shirt and so I did. She helped me a little, she knew how inexperienced I was.

"Relax my sweet, sweet Bella. I will help you, I won't do anything you don't want to. I promise." She promised me and I knew her promise was genuine. I nodded at her, and she knew I believed her. Her hands cupped my breasts and my nipples immediately reacted to it. I moaned softly and continued kissing my angel. She laid me down on the bed and took off her own bra. My hands touched her breasts and explored this unfamiliar territory, my fingers played with her nipples a little and she moaned loudly, under her breath. My hands moved to her back and my nailed sunk into her skin as her lips moved from my mouth to my left breast. I had already closed my eyes and felt Alice's tongue explore my hard nipples. Her other hand softly massaged the breast her mouth wasn't able to touch.

"Oh, Alice!" I moaned. I knew the whole family would be able to hear me but at that moment I really didn't care. All I cared about was Alice being close to me, touching me. She kissed all the scars she managed to find telling me how beautiful I was. Her lips moved from my breasts to my abdomen and her tongue left a trace all the way down to my waistband.

"Please, Alice! Go on!" I begged her, I needed her.

"Patience, my Bella." She was teasing me and I loved it. I felt her hands working on the button and zipper of my jeans and I lifted my bottom a little so she could take them off, she did. My jeans, together with my panties, left my body and Alice's mouth came back up to catch my lips again. One of her hands was now touching my private parts and I wanted to undress her too. I decided to take control for a moment and turned us around, now I was on top and I took care of her jeans. She giggled and her eyes were closed. I didn't want her to help me and so I tried to, for once, not be clumsy. I kissed her lips, her breasts, her stomach and that's when she stopped me.

"Bella, no. You first" she said. She turned us around again and pinned me to the bed, gently of course. This turned me on even more and she must have noticed because her hand went down to my vagina again. I felt a finger enter me and let out a loud moan.

"You like that, huh?" she whispered, and I nodded. I liked that? No, I loved that. She soon added another finger and she curled them a little while she was inside of me. I felt like I was about to orgasm any minute but I had to restrain myself from doing so. It would be too soon. Of course, Alice noticed.

"Don't stop yourself, Bella. Relax, have a good time, lose control! I want to see you come." I did as she said and felt the orgasm run through my body. It was so good, much better than the one Edward had managed.

"Oh god, Alice!" I screamed her name and when I opened my eyes she was looking at me with a huge grin on her face.

"I love you, Bella" she said. I kissed her lips.

"I love you too, so very much." I couldn't stop myself, I was very tired but I had to make her feel the same way I did at this moment. And so I started kissing her down her abdomen.

"Bella, you should slee- Oh never mind." This was the first time any Cullen had given in to me like this. And I loved it, Alice was just too cute. I made my way down to her and started licking her, she just tasted so good.


	12. Forgiveness is a bitch

_A/N: I don't own anything, Stephenie does.  
Thanks everyone for everything, you guys are the best! :D  
This is the 12__th__ chapter, enjoy!_

**Chapter 12: Forgiveness is a bitch**

We had spend a few hours making love to each other and I had enjoyed every second of it. It was kind of hard for me, though. Because after what Edward had done to me it was hard for me to open up like that. But Alice truly did bring up the best in me and she had made sure I felt totally comfortable. When I was totally exhausted she had covered me with blankets so that her cold body wouldn't bother me. But that was something she didn't quite understand, her body could never bother me.

"Alice, will you hold me?" I asked her. Her golden eyes widened a little and then she nodded that gorgeous face of hers.

"Are you sure? I'm still very cold-"

"Alice, you're not cold to me. When you hold me… it warms me up." Her giggles filled the room and it took her mere seconds to get under the blankets with me. I felt her arms wrapping themselves around me and her head rested against my shoulder. We didn't speak and words were absolutely unnecessary at that moment. My index finger made small circles on the arm that was around my abdomen and she purred at the feeling. This made me smile, I had never heard her purr before but it was really cute. We laid like that for hours and even though I was exhausted I couldn't bring myself to fall asleep, I didn't want to ruin this moment.

"My Bella, you should really try to sleep. I don't want you all exhausted and unable to move tomorrow… Although that would be quite cute, I could carry you around all day." A playful grin formed on her face. I nodded and closed my eyes. Her touch made me relax and it took me mere seconds to drift off into a slumber. While that happened, my angel was still purring.

_**Two weeks later**_

It had been two weeks since I last heard from Edward. But Alice and I both knew he was up to something. Alice would see when he decided though and she made me promise not to worry. But I couldn't promise her this because I did worry, of course I did.

All of the Cullens were out hunting, and I had forced Alice to go with them. At first she'd refused but she did admit that she hadn't seen anything happen and so she had left, with her family. I had taken a shower and was now watching a movie on their huge flat screen. I was visibly enjoying the high definition when I heard a voice, behind me.

"Hello Bella. All alone? Where's the family?" It was Edward, the first thing I thought of was Alice. How could she not have seen this coming? Even though I knew Edward couldn't read my mind, I sometimes doubted this.

"It was a snap decision. She couldn't have seen it coming." He answered my question and the fear started sinking in.

"Now, you see, I don't have much time before she comes back. So if you'll play nice now, and just come with me, I will promise not to hurt you too much!" That evil grin reappeared on his face and he had already lifted me up. The next think I knew I was flying through the forest, I never liked it when vampires ran with me in their arms, it was just too fast for me to keep up with. I could usually really enjoy the smell of the forest, but not today. I was too scared, too worried of what would happen to me, and Alice, who would surely come looking for me. I recognized the path he was on, it was the path he and I had discovered when we were still happy together. Before we had married. He took me to the cottage, where he had me imprisoned for quite some time.

"Home sweet home," he mumbled into my ear as he put me down. As we entered the house his eyes grew wide, he sniffed the air and had an angry look on his face.

"Damn you, sis! Alice, get your but over here!" he yelled. Alice was here? To safe me? Oh no, this would end badly. The first thing I saw were her eyes, those eyes which were usually topaz-colored were now jet-black. She bared her teeth at Edward and growled loudly.

"Why, Edward, why would you just not let her go?" she asked him. It was quite a rhetorical question but he answered it anyway.

"Because, I love her."

"No you don't. You're just a possessive ass! If you truly loved her, you'd want her to be happy!" she yelled. He closed his eyes for a second and read her mind, or so I presumed. I was too scared to interfere in this argument.

"Alice, you know that I can beat you, don't you? I will kill you if I have to!" he threatened.

"No you won't!" a loud voice boomed and as I turned my head into its direction I saw Emmett bursting through the door. "You will not touch her! Edward, you're my brother and I love you, but this time you really went too far!" Those were the last words he spoke before he attacked Edward. Soon after I felt two cold hands on my shoulders, pulling me away from the fight, when I turned around I came to face Rosalie. She smiled kindly at me and carried me away from the whole fighting-scene. I really didn't want to witness that, but I had to make sure Alice wasn't going to get hurt.

"Don't worry Bella. Emmett's really strong, he and Alice can handle him." Great, so now Rosalie was a mind reader too? Well I couldn't deny her words calmed me, because they did. I nodded at her and surprisingly she sat me down on the damp grass. She sat beside me and didn't leave my side.

"T-thank you, Rosalie" I stuttered. She smiled at me and I imagined that was her way of saying _'you're welcome'_. I heard quite a lot of noises coming from inside of the house and I really wanted to go in and fight with them. Who the hell did he think he was.

"Yeah she's safe. Don't worry, Esme. No, I'm with her right now." Rosalie was on the phone, with Esme, obviously. A few seconds later she hung up and told me everything was going to be fine and the rest of the Cullens were on their way here. It was only then that I realized I was bleeding, Edward had torn my shirt and a bit of my skin. Rosalie kept staring at the wound as more and more blood revealed itself.

"Oh, Rosalie, I'm sorry. I- I could-"

"No, Bella, relax. I can handle it," she assured me. She took off her jacket and pushed it against the wound, to make the bleeding stop. It worked and a few minutes later no more blood came out. I jumped when I felt Esme hug me from behind, I hadn't heard her coming and she scared the hell out of me.

"I'm sorry Bella! I didn't mean to scare you, I'm just so happy you're alright." Her soft and motherly voice calmed me, every time. I saw Carlisle enter the house and seconds later he came out again, with Alice, Emmett and Edward. Emmett had a strong grip on him so that he couldn't escape.

"Edward, son. You have some explaining to do. Why is Bella here, and why didn't you do as I asked?" His voice reflected his worries, and his dominance.

"I love her, Carlisle. I don't expect you to understand, but I don't want to live my life without her!" He muttered the words, to me that proved he was lying. He was just jealous and he didn't want Alice to have me.

"Edward, I must ask you again to not do this again. You can't force Bella into a life she does not wishes to live." Carlisle emphasized every word, he made himself very clear and even I was a little afraid of him. Although I knew he would never lose himself, he was far too restrained for that.

"I know! I know that, Carlisle. But could you part from Esme? Easy like that?" He was playing with fire and he knew it. But Carlisle didn't lose his patience, he was being very rational. And thought about his question.

"I never said it was easy. And to answer your question: I just want Esme to be happy, I really want to be the cause of her happiness, but if I'm not… then I'd have to let her go. That's how it works in life Edward. You don't own someone, and if they don't choose to be with you, you can't force them. That is disrespectful and we didn't raise you to be disrespectful, did we?" His words made sense and I admired how open he was about his love for Esme. The look on Edward's face changed, the evil grin was gone and now there was just regret, and pain. I felt sorry for him, somehow. Jasper was probably using his gift and I was slightly happy about that.

"I- I guess you're right. I'm sorry, Bella. I really am. I was just so jealous of Alice, I don't understand why you can't just love me the way you love her… I-" He was stuttering, I'd never seen him stutter before.

"Edward, I did. Well, not exactly the same way, but before we were married I really loved you, you were my life and I was totally sure we'd be together forever. But after the wedding things changed, and not for the better. The feelings I used to have for you are just… gone. What I feel for Alice has nothing to do with the way you treated me. The love I feel for Alice, is just so strong. I'm sorry Edward. I know I'm hurting you right now, but I have to tell you. Because you can't live a lie, we won't ever be okay again. I'm sorry." After saying this I felt the tears running down my face, Rosalie was still standing beside me. Alice stood on the other side, she quickly grabbed my hand and squeezed it lightly. I wanted so bad to look her in the eyes, but I realized this wasn't the moment to get lost in them. And it would hurt Edward, more than I already had.

"Bella, I am still jealous of Alice, I always will be. And I doubt I'll ever forgive her. But if that's what you truly want, I'm not saying I will stop trying, because I can't. But I guess you deserve to be happy." I could see that the words pained him, the whole situation pained him. I wanted to go over to him and hug him and tell him everything would be okay, but I couldn't. Because I was still terrified of him, what if this was just some sick kind of trick, what if he wasn't going to let this go?

"Bella, do you want a divorce?" he asked next. I did, I couldn't be married to him when we weren't together anymore. But I couldn't bring myself to say it, and so I just nodded at him.

"Alright then. Apply for it, we'll see what happens from then on. I have to leave now, I have to spend some time alone, somewhere far away from here. But I will be back." That last bit sounded a little threatening, but I was positive he didn't mean it like that. I made a mental note to myself to thank Carlisle later. His words had really affected Edward in a good way and I was very grateful. Emmett finally let go of Edward and Rosalie rushed into his arms, he hugged her, kissed the top of her head and mumbled something to her. But I couldn't hear it properly. The next thing I knew, Edward was gone.


	13. The bright side

_A/N: I don't own anything, Stephenie does (jeez, this gets boring!:P)  
Thanks everyone for sticking with me, I know last chapter sucked, a lot! And I'm seriously thinking of a way to get Edward back to evil, for I don't like him too well when he's the good guy. This is just a more happy chapter, I hope you enjoy. _

**Chapter 13: The bright side**

Even though Edward had apologized I was still scared. I was having this mental breakdown that nobody could help me with. As much as I wanted to believe Edward, I couldn't. Not after everything he'd done to me. Alice carried me home and hadn't left my side ever since.

"Do you want to be alone? Because I could-"

"No! Please don't leave me?" I begged her. She was the only one who could try to help me through this. Realization was still sinking in, Edward had just tried to kidnap me, threatened to kill Alice and forced his 'big' brother to fight him. I felt terribly guilty for all of this, even Carlisle had been forced to hurt his first son. How could I not feel guilty about all this?

"Jasper says you shouldn't feel guilty," Alice informed me. "Bella, he's right. It's not your fault. Don't be so hard on yourself! I love you Bella, I wasn't going to let him… hurt you." I hated to see Alice like this, I could tell she felt bad, maybe guilty herself.

"What's wrong Alice? Please, just talk to me pixie!" She giggled at the nickname, but that giggle never reached her eyes.

"Bella, I was scared. I'd never been so scared before, I was afraid he'd hurt you. I was afraid I wouldn't get there in time. I thought I was going to lose you. I don't want to lose you!" She cried, but without tears. For once it was my turn to comfort her, and I gladly did. I wrapped my arms around her petite body and forced her into a hug. She sobbed into the crook of my neck. I stroked her short, black hair and waited until she spoke again.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't lose myself like this…" she mumbled. I looked at her dumbfounded.

"Alice don't you dare apologizing for loving me! Or for anything else, I was afraid of losing you too! But that, loving you, is the one thing I don't feel guilty about." My hand cupped her cheek and I briefly kissed her lips.

"I love you so much Bella! I really do!" I believed her, of course I did. By this time I felt tears rolling down my face and I tried to think of a way to express my feelings for her, but I couldn't.

"Alice, I wish I could find the words to tell you how much you mean to me, and how strong my feelings for you are. I'm being really cheesy, huh?" She giggled, she understood how I felt.

"Jasper says you love me more than anything in the world. He says you'd choose me over anything! Bella, that's so sweet! And besides, I kinda like cheesy," she confessed. Jasper was right. He, better than anyone, knew how I felt and he was right. I'd choose her over anything, or anyone. I thought I knew what love was when I was with Edward, but I was so wrong.

I felt Alice's lips softly brush against mine and that was exactly what I needed. Her kisses always calmed me, and even though I was still upset, I let myself go. I kissed her back and we slowly started undressing each other.

"Bella, are you sure?" she asked, what a stupid question.

"Whose Bella, Alice?"

"My Bella!" I smiled and my mouth slowly traced down to her stomach. My tongue enjoyed the taste of her skin, which was really extraordinary. I loved how it was me who could make her moan, how it was me who could make her wet. I slowly removed her jeans and she helped me getting rid of mine. My tongue made its way down her toned abdomen and teasingly went up and down her slit. Again she moaned, my name mostly.

"Bella, you're.. this feels so good!" These words inspired me to continue. She had spread her legs for me and was waiting for my next move, which was soon to come. I could tell she wasn't in the mood for my teasing and so I just skipped that. I thrust 2 fingers in and out of her and her moans got really loud, she was also purring again. When she opened her eyes I could see they were much darker than before.

"Alice, should I stop?" I asked, this scared me a little. It wasn't that I didn't want her to bite me, she could, I wouldn't mind. But I didn't want her to do anything she would regret later on.

"No, Bella, please! I'll be okay, I'm in control of myself" she breathed. And so I continued, I added another finger and my lips tickled her clit. She was really enjoying it, her small hands grabbed my hair, fairly rough but I didn't really care. I let my tongue out of my mouth and licked her clit, she moaned louder and louder and then I could feel all her muscles tense. She was having her orgasm. I, Bella Swan, had made Alice Cullen orgasm, I was so proud of myself. I laid myself down next to her and she delicately kissed my lips, her eyes were back to the liquid golden color I adored so much.

"That was amazing, Bella! Wow" she seemed genuinely happy. And seeing this made me forget about the things that bothered me and I felt very happy. She held me tight and her head rested on my chest, she had her eyes closed and if I hadn't known better I would have thought she were asleep.

"You deserved it. I'm glad I'm any good," I confessed. Of course she knew how unsure I was about myself and she'd do or say anything to change that. She just did, I was now very confident about my skills. To get Alice screaming like that, vulnerable like that, I must have been good, right?

"You… were beyond good!" she breathed. It was like she'd lost her voice, well if that was the effect I had on her, I wouldn't complain.

"Alice, I love you." I felt like I said it too often, but every time I said it a small smile formed on Alice's lips and that encouraged me to say it again.

"I love you, my Bella. More than you'll ever know." She made me feel all warm on the inside again and I rested my head against hers, which was still on the chest-area. Her short hair prickled in my face and somehow I adored that feeling.

_**Next morning**_

Me and Alice were in Port Angeles, looking for an attorney that could take care of the divorce. Edward had offered me to apply for it and so that was exactly what I was planning to do. I felt bad for him, but we couldn't be married when I didn't love him like that anymore. A few hours later we had found a lawyer who was going to help me. He'd send me some forms that both me and Edward had to sign and promised me it would all be alright. After that Alice and I went to eat somewhere, no Italian this time. She took me to some fancy place and I forced her to eat something as well. She knew I didn't like to eat alone and with a disgusted look on her face she finished her meal. I knew that she'd probably throw up afterwards but I didn't really care.

"I hate you, Bella!" she said laughing as she stuffed another spoon of food into her mouth. I just giggled at her comment and so did she.

"Sorry, but I don't like to eat alone. You don't have to finish, if you really don't want to?" I tried to be reasonable. Of course she didn't like this food, it tasted like dirt to her, according to Edward.

"Nope, I'm going to finish it like a big girl!" Her pout disappeared and bravely she took another bite. I enjoyed watching her eat, it was something I had never seen before, and despite the evil grin on her face it looked quite cute.

"What are you grinning at?"

"Your payback…" Oh no, she was contemplating a payback, crap. I knew this was a bad idea. She read me like an open book and saw me worrying already. This obviously looked very funny because she was giggling loudly, everybody in the restaurant was looking at us but she didn't care.

"Alice, will you shut up?" I said, laughing too now. She shook her head, still laughing. Her smile was very contagious because soon a few other people were giggling to, she couldn't help being so cute.

When we got back home I went straight to bed, I was utterly exhausted. Alice followed me and held me until I fell in a slumber.


	14. Sweet promises

_A/N: I don't own anything, Stephenie does.  
Thanks everyone for still reading this story, I never expected to get so many reviews. To be honest, I never expected anyone to actually like my style of writing. So it means a lot. I'm currently having a bit of a writer's block, I do have a couple of chapters in store for you though, and I'm working on the rest! :) Enjoy!_

**Chapter 14: Sweet promises**

It didn't take Edward very long to come back. Esme had once told me that he usually stayed away for at least a year. This time he had come back after only 2 months. The months he'd been away had visibly done me good. All bruises were gone and most cuts were too, only some had turned into scars. There hadn't been a night where Alice didn't lay beside me, straddling my body until I'd fall asleep. Next to that, the whole family tried to make me feel at home. Rosalie wasn't mean anymore, she sometimes even was affectionate towards me, like a brief hug or kiss on my forehead.

Alice and I had gone to Florida for a week to visit my mom, even though Alice had to stay inside we had a great time. She and I were really close and not even the sunlight, which caused her to sparkle, could separate us. Alice had explained everything that had happened to my mother and she was devastated. She tried to convince me to stay with her for a while but Alice and I weren't going to part, and Renée understood that.

When we got back to Forks Esme had made me a huge dinner and I was genuinely surprised of the size. It was enough for at least 10 humans to eat from and I took some of the leftovers to Charlie. He too enjoyed the food and Esme was thrilled to hear this.

When Edward had come back he wasn't mean to me, he came to the Cullen residence to tell us all he was back and he asked me how the whole divorce-procedure was going. Alice and I told him about our visit to the lawyer and how everything was being taken care of. He was a little disappointed I had actually pushed the divorce and tried to reason with me, but I didn't give in. I could see he was getting angry again and I didn't like it. Because even now that I was 'safe', I was still afraid of him.

"Edward, where have you been?" Carlisle asked. He always wanted to know what was going on in his family and he was genuinely interested, I knew that. I also knew that he was trying to distract Edward from getting mad. Edward told us he'd been to Scotland, the weather was terrible and therefore very suitable for a vampire. He didn't seem to happy about me and Alice sitting together, and jealousy was showing on his face.

"Alice, can I talk to you for a second?" He asked her after he had told Esme about his well-being.

"Sure," was her answer. They both left off outside to a place where nobody could hear us, this frightened me, what if he'd hurt her?

"Relax Bella, nothing will happen! He wasn't really that angry and besides, Alice would have seen." Jasper was comforting me and it worked, it always worked if he tried. I had no choice but to believe him and so I did. Alice would be able to defend herself, right? Well maybe not, but Edward wouldn't actually be that cruel, or so I hoped. Half an hour later they got back and Alice was perfectly fine. He hadn't harmed her, good for him because I would have killed him if he did.

"Alright then, I will have to go now. Bella, take care!" He smiled his crooked smile and for a second it felt like the old Edward was back. I then felt Alice's arm snake itself around me and I smiled at her puzzled expression.

"I'm okay" I assured her and she nodded. I saw Jasper glaring at him and before I could say goodbye Edward was gone. My curiosity got the best of me and I took Alice upstairs to hear her out about her conversation with Edward.

"He… He just told me to take care of you. And to love you, and cherish you. He told me not to make the same mistakes he did. I guess he really did clear his mind, it was like I was talking to the pre-married Edward." He really did regret what he'd done to me, but that was too bad, because I was with Alice now, and I wouldn't want it any other way. Alice and I were meant to be together, that's how it felt to me.

"That's nice of him," were the only words I could manage. She nodded and kissed me on the cheek.

"Let's not talk about that bastard." We laid down on the bed and kissed for a while, whispering sweet words into each other's ears. The moment was very comfortable and I then realized that Alice had always been my harbor, my home. I missed her every time she wasn't around. A few years ago, when Edward had decided to leave me, together with the rest of his family I had missed Alice probably more than him, she was my best friend. Whenever he locked me inside the house it was Alice I missed. It was her I needed to be with, but my love for him had really blinded me for the feelings I had towards her. She snuggled in to me and rested her head on my chest again. I liked it when she did this, I could feel her cold breath in my neck and my hands had full access to caress her arm. I enjoyed her humming, purring or making any other sound. She sometimes sang me sweet lullabies or just random songs. Those were the moments I cherished most, they made me feel so loved.

"Bella, are you okay?" I was probably deep in thought and she'd been looking at me for a few moments now.

"Yeah.. I was just thinking…"

"About what?" She had a worried look on her face, one I honestly didn't like.

"Nothing, just… moments like this, they make me feel so great, you know? I love it when we're so intimate." I felt a blush come up and cursed to myself, I hated blushing.

"I love them too Bella, I love cuddling with you," her eyes lit up and a naughty smile formed on her face.

"God Alice, you naughty little thing!" I softly slapped her arm, knowing she probably wouldn't even feel it. She smiled at me and captured my bottom lip with her teeth, this scared me, a lot. Edward used to do this right before he bit me. My whole body stiffened and she noticed, she immediately got off me and apologized.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry Bella! I- I wasn't going to bite, r-really. I'm such an idiot! I'm so sorry." She was stuttering. She really did regret what she'd just done, even though I knew she wouldn't hurt me I was frightened.

"I-I know, Alice. I'm sorry, I overreacted. It's just that… Edward always started that way, before he'd-"

"I'm sorry!" She cut me off, I was relieved, I really didn't want to talk about Edward right now. "I sure know how to ruin the moment don't I?" Alice was trying to joke, to enlighten the mood.

"No you don't. It's alright, it's my fault. I'm just a chicken-"

"Shut up Bella, you're not. Look, we're not going to come to an agreement here, so let's just forget about it okay? I'm not going to do that again, promise!" I smiled at her and kissed her lips again. I made sure I was on top this time and did my thing.


	15. Forever

_A/N: I don't own anything, Stephenie does.  
Thanks guys, 1000 times thanks for everything you've giving me. I really love to read your reviews and they really keep me motivated to keep writing! Here's chapter 15, I hope you'll enjoy this. _

**Chapter 15: Forever**

The next morning we were both in a lazy mood. We stayed in bed all morning and Alice only left me for a few minutes to make breakfast. I ate my eggs and bacon and she watched me doing that. She'd always found it fascinating to watch me eat, or sleep, or doing anything human. I was thinking about being a vampire, I wanted to be with her forever. Edward had promised to turn me after we got married but he'd never done that. And now all my hope was on Alice.

"Alice… Do you want to spend forever with me?" I asked her, with a shy grin on my face. I got afraid of bringing up this subject but I knew Alice wouldn't respond the way Edward always had.

"Of course I do, my Bella." Ah, step one was completed. Now all I had to do was ask her how strongly she was opposed to changing me into a vampire.

"Do you think that… maybe, one day… Could you one day change me?" I blurted out. When I opened my eyes she was looking at me with a huge smile on her face. Her eyes were shining and she wasn't angry with me, what a relieve!

"I'd love to, although it's a bit scary for me. But, you should really think about this. It's not a perfect life, Bella. It's difficult, as a newborn you'll be nothing but hungry and possibly very dangerous. You will not ever get to see your parents again, at least not the first few years. You will never sleep again, you'll never eat again, nothing but blood, that is. And there's…"

"There's what?" I was a little impatient, I just wanted to be like her, so that I wasn't in danger anymore. So that we could be together forever.

"There's the wolves to consider. You know about the treaty, and that we can't bite anyone." She looked deep in thought, and I thought about this too.

"But, it's none of their business right? If I choose to be like you, it's not their choice, but mine." Jacob had always hated the idea of me being a vampire and I was sure he'd see this as the perfect opportunity to pick a fight with the Cullens he still hated so much. Jacob and I hadn't been in touch since my wedding and honestly, I didn't miss him. We'd been really close, and he'd been a great friend. He was there when my vampire-friends weren't, but after his ridiculous behavior towards me and Edward… We couldn't be friends anymore, he wanted me to choose for him and refused to believe that I didn't love him that way.

"That's right. But still, it's part of the treaty. And they won't like it if we changed you. Besides, I really don't know how many of them there are now. We can't fight them, we'd lose."

"But I thought you said newborns were incredibly strong, I could-"

"Strong, but also reckless, and very intuitive. Newborns don't think about the steps they take, Bella. They don't have strategy, you won't stand a chance." Hmm, too bad.

"Can we talk to Carlisle about this?" I proposed. She nodded and grabbed my hand, together we made our way to Carlisle's office, hoping that he'd have the solution. Alice gently knocked the door and dragged me inside after Carlisle had asked us to enter.

"Carlisle, Bella wants to be a vampire!" Alice blurted out, she was grinning and this was the Alice I loved so much. The happy, care-free Alice. I knew she wasn't really care-free though, but when she got enthusiastic, there was no stopping her.

"I think she mentioned before." Carlisle was now looking at me, intently. I didn't really know what to say and so I just remained silent. "Bella, would you mind-"

"Carlisle, we just talked about it. And she really wants it, there's only one problem…" Alice exclaimed.

"Yeah, the wolves. If you really want this, Bella. We will have to move, we can't bite a human in this territory. It would violate the treaty and we really don't want a war with the wolves," he explained. I nodded and thought of a way to make this all work.

"What if I talk to them? I think Jacob hasn't forgotten about me yet. They might listen to me."

"Well, it's worth a try, right?" Alice was responding to this so differently than Edward. She actually wanted me to be a vampire, she wanted me to talk to the wolves. She was so eager to let me live my own life.

"I suppose. We should talk about this with the rest of the family, they should have a say in this." Carlisle took of his glasses and took us downstairs. Emmett and Rosalie were there, as well as Esme. But Jasper wasn't around.

"Where's Jasper? We have something to discuss."

"He went hunting, about an hour ago, I guess he'll be back in a few," Emmett said. His hand was on Rosalie's shoulder and she was resting her head on his shoulder.

"Why? What's up? What's with the dogs?" Her voice was a little off, she was in a grumpy mood, I knew it. This could be fun.

"Well, Bella wants to be one of us. I'm sure you were all aware of that. But if we're going to change her, we will have to move. The treaty can't be violated." Carlisle remained very business-like. Everybody was thinking about this now, Esme was on my side and didn't have a problem with moving away. I was happy to hear this and she hugged me, I kissed her cheek and when we let go of each other she blinked her eye at me.

"Yeah, Bella as a vampire, that should be awesome! So, where are we going?" Emmett's booming voice filled the room and caused me to laugh. He had let go of Rosalie who was still on the couch. He hugged me too and Alice shot him a glare when he was about to lift me. He merely smiled at us and got back to Rosalie.

"Rosalie, how do you feel about this?" Carlisle asked her. I already knew she was angry with me, for giving up my human-life. But I still hoped she'd say something sweet.

"You already know how I feel about it. But about the whole moving thing, I don't care. I don't see what's so special about Forks anyway." I smiled at her and the corners of her lips trembled a little.

"Alice, do you think Jasper will mind?" I asked her. She shook her head and her eyes were blank.

"Ask him yourself. He should be back in a minute," she said as she shook the vision off her. That moment Jasper appeared in the living room, she smiled at us and went to sit on the other couch.

"I don't mind. Moving should be fun." Those were his only words.

"We do have another option. We could also have Bella speak to the wolves and try to convince them to not start a war on us." I actually preferred this, I liked Forks and I loved this house. I didn't want to leave, unless we really had to.

"And you think they'd give in? Those stupid pups won't even consider keeping the treaty intact." Rosalie had a point there, they were a bit stubborn, but I had to try.

"Rosalie, I really want to do that. I know they're stubborn and stupid, but I don't really want to leave Forks. And I know I won't be able to see my father anymore, but I like it here." I tried to explain to them how I felt about this, and I could see that Alice understood. But as for the rest of them, they all looked a bit puzzled.

"Bella I don't really want to ruin your good mood, but… How can you like this place after everything that happened?" It was Emmett's soft side again, it was so cute when he showed how much he cared.

"A lot of good things happened here too, Emmett. And, I met you guys here, I love this place, with the woods and all. And unless we really have to leave, I'd rather stay." He nodded at me and showed me he understood.

"Alright, so Bella is going to talk to the puppies, that should be… exciting!"


	16. The howling of wolves

_A/N: I don't own anything, Stephenie does.  
Thank you guys for still reading this! Here's the 16__th__ chapter, some wolves in here.. I'm sorry if you don't like the wolves, but it felt like… like without them the story would be sort of incomplete. Anywee, enjoy!_

**Chapter 16: The howling of wolves**

I was on my way to the La Push reservation, in a black Mercedes Carlisle had offered me to use. Alice had at first wanted to go with me, but I knew Jacob would kill her if she showed up on their property and I couldn't handle that. I had opened the windows and it was comfortably cold in the car. Most people hated the cold, but after all the time I'd spent with vampires, the cold was very soothing to me. Even though I had goose bumps on my arms I enjoyed it. I drove pretty fast, I always hated it but that too was something I got used to. Their ridiculous way of driving a car.

The sunset reflected on my windshield and I couldn't really see where I was going, therefore I had to slow the car down a little. I didn't really want to fold myself around a tree right now. Alice had once shown me the boundary line and I was crossing it now. I got a little nervous about this conversation, I hadn't called Jacob so he had no idea I was coming. I watched the trees and birds as I passed them. The noises of the woods had always comforted me and they were doing that right now. I felt a sudden calmness wash over me as I heard the birds sing their unique songs and as I heard the wind go through the leafs of the trees.

I could tell I got closer to the village as I saw the first houses appear on the side of the road. I saw children playing, carelessly. And I saw some elder people sitting on their porches, drinking coffee and reading the paper. Seeing them all so happy brought up a feeling of joy in me, it was great to know there were still people who could fully enjoy their lives.

I took a deep breath as I got out of my car, it was a 5 minute walk to Jacob's place and even though I could have driven all the way there, I felt like I could use a walk. As I was walking I realized I was just procrastinating and it made me giggle a little. That was so me, I always put off the difficult conversations. I kicked away a few pebbles before I headed to the door of the Black residence. I knocked a few times and called for both Jacob and Billy. It was Billy who opened the door, he hadn't changed a bit, he was still in his wheelchair and the only difference I noticed were a few gray hairs that had replaced the black ones.

"Good evening, Bella. It's been a long time. How can I help you?" His voice was stern and he didn't look too pleased to see me. Well that was just too bad, for I didn't come here to please him.

"I'm sorry to bother you Billy. But I was wondering if I could speak to Jacob for a second." I tried to be polite, but his piercing eyes didn't help much.

"He's not here, Bella."

"Where is he, then?" I wasn't going to get back home without speaking to one of the wolves. And in the back of my head I knew that where-ever Jacob would be, he was with the pack.

"He's out, with Sam. I could ask him to call you when he gets home?" Billy was angry with me, I knew it. Probably for breaking his son's heart, too bad, because he wasn't going to get rid of me that easily.

"We tried that many times before, and we both know he won't call me anyway. Billy, where are they?" I was getting very impatient now, my eyes scanned the area but of course there was no sign of any werewolf activity.

"Okay, don't tell him I told you. They're at Emily's place, I think." I thanked him and we both said goodbye, then I got back to the car. I knew where Emily's place was, but I wasn't sure how to get there by car. The one and only time I'd been there was after Paul getting really angry with me. But I was determined to find it. I drove around for several minutes until I reached the spot I remembered, from there on I knew how to get to Emily's place. Mere minutes later I stood in front of the house, and few guys had come out, but Jacob wasn't there.

"Who are you, and what do you want?" one of them asked. I didn't recognize him, but he had a dark skin like the rest of the Quileute boys.

"I'm Bella Swan and I'd like to talk to Jacob for a second. Is he there?" I was being as polite as I could, but their rudeness was a little contagious.

"Sure, he's here. Come in," another boy said. I nodded at him and followed him back inside. There were about 12 people in there, Emily included. And they all looked at me, flabbergasted.

"Goodnight, Bella. It's been a long time." Emily smiled at me, I started to think that she couldn't be angry at anyone. I'd never seen her angry before, but she seemed to be the only one who was smiling. I soon noticed Jacob, he had a furious look on his face and had covered his nose. As had a few of the others. Sam on the other hand looked at me sternly.

"What can we do for you, Bella. I assume this isn't just a social visit?" he said, jokingly. I shook my head, but couldn't really find my voice. I just stared at all of the children in this house, were they all part of the pack? They sure didn't need 11 werewolves to control the Cullens, did they?

"I… I want to talk to Jacob, or you." Jacob jerked his head up at the mention of his name and his eyes were shooting daggers.

"I thought you didn't want to have to do with me anymore. You shouldn't have come back-"

"Jacob!" Sam yelled at him. Jacob was trembling and I knew that he was losing his temper. Sam calmed him down, though, and no harm was done.

"Alright Bella, I will talk to you." Sam took me outside and Jacob followed him, I knew he didn't really want to talk to me but guessed that his curiosity had gotten the best of him. We took a short walk and when we'd reached the edge of the forest they both stared at me, waiting for me to speak up.

"Okay… A lot of things have happened these past few months. And I have been thinking a lot. I'm not with Edward anymore…" I saw Jacob's face lighten up. A small smile appeared on his lips and this really bothered me, he didn't actually think he got a chance again, did he? "And well, I'm with Alice now. And… I want to be a vampire." I closed my eyes and I knew they were both gazing at me, intently so.

"You sure smell like one!" Jacob said, I opened my eyes and glared at him.

"Are you aware of the treaty, Bella? They can't bite another human," Sam spoke.

"I am, and I know that it will violate the treaty if they bite me. But I sort of… I came to ask if it would be any different if they'd bite me, because I want them to." I was very nervous and asked myself over and over again why I tried this. It was ridiculous, they'd never give in.

"Well… I don't know Be-"

"No!" Jacob shouted, he interrupted Sam rudely and I glared at him again. His muscles tightened and he looked very angry. "No. I don't want you to be a vampire Bella. I know we haven't spoken in quite some time, but still… I cannot allow it, the treaty will be considered violated if they change you." He had made up his mind and infuriated me very much. He didn't have the right to forbid me to become a vampire.

"Jacob, it's not up to you to decide what I am and will be. I want to spend the rest of my life… no, the rest of eternity with Alice. I can't do that unless I'm a vampire. I know this is difficult, but you guys have to understand!" I practically begged them. I really wanted this, and I didn't want to leave Forks. I knew it would all be so difficult, I couldn't see my dad, I couldn't go to school, I couldn't even be seen in town. But the woods, the Cullen house, everything here was so serene. I didn't want to leave this place.

"Bella, I'm sure they've been thinking about this too. And I'm sure they know that if they really want to change you it would be best for them to do it somewhere else. The treaty is only intact here, in Forks. If they'd go to… say England, we wouldn't have a say in it." Sam was being very reasonable, he was much nicer than people gave him credit for.

"I know, Sam. And really, we discussed that. But the truth is… I love this place, I love Forks. I don't want to leave, it's not their idea either. They all think it would be best to move away, but I don't want to." He looked like he understood. And for a second I thought everything would be fine, and they'd give me the permission I came for.

"No way, Bella." Jacob was getting on my nerves, but I had to remain calm, I was sure I'd blow my chances if I'd get angry with him.

"Jacob, would you please relax for a second?" Sam asked as he shot him a glare. "Bella, if you're sure you want this, then I don't think we've got the right to keep you from doing this. But you have to realize, that if ever you're a threat to the people of Forks, we will have to kill you. And the rest of them." I was happy to hear this and I smiled genuinely at Sam. He nodded at me and when I turned to look at Jacob I saw he was shaking, trembling with anger.

"How could you…" he hissed at Sam. Sam grabbed his shoulders and forced him to calm down.

"Bella, I think it would be best if you left now. But realize, we won't be as nice to you when you're a vampire, and you can't afford to make a mistake." He wasn't threatening, he was just warning me. I nodded at him and turned to leave, when I heard Jacob hiss at me.

"This won't be the end Bella! I'm not letting this go." Now this was a threat, but Jacob alone wouldn't be a problem for the Cullens. They could handle one puppy, right?


	17. Slumber time

_A/N: I own nothing, Stephenie owns it all.  
I'm so sorry for the delay! I've just been busy with stuff, but I will update the next few chapters quicker! Here's chapter 17, it's bit of a filler, but I hope you'll enjoy it anyway._

**Chapter 17: Slumber time**

When I got home the first thing I did was giving Alice a tight hug. I knew she was worried about me, because she couldn't see the wolves future and therefore not mine either when I was with them. She seemed very relieved when I got back, alive.

"You didn't actually think they'd kill me, right?" I skeptically asked her. She shook her head and kissed my cheek. I grabbed her hand and together we walked to the living room, where the rest of the family was. Carlisle stood as he saw me enter the room and nodded at me, I smiled at all of them and told them about the conversation. But I left out Jacob's threat, I didn't want to worry them, although they'd probably just laugh at it.

Emmett was excited that I would soon be one of them, more than the rest of them. Although Jasper too was very cheerful, he had said he was looking forward to the day where he wouldn't want to kill me anymore. Esme hugged me and told me how happy she was for me.

"You're all acting as if this is a good thing! Bella giving up her life isn't worth celebrating, and yet you're acting as if she's just found out she's pregnant!" Rosalie did have a point here, I understood how she felt but I didn't share those feeling with her. For me it was worth celebrating, I'd get to spend the rest of eternity with my true love! How could I not be happy about this.

"I'm sorry, Rosalie. I'm being selfish," I said. The look on her face softened and she smiled at me.

"It's alright. It's just that… these things are a little hard for me, I can't understand how someone would voluntarily become a monster, like us."

"That's where our opinions differ, I don't think you guys are monsters. Not at all!" I was telling the truth, they were the greatest people I'd ever met. They were no monsters, not even Jasper, who was always close to slipping. Rosalie shrugged her shoulders and picked up the magazine she was presumably reading before I got home. Emmett was still enthusiastic and was swirling me around, I couldn't help but smile at this.

"Now, Bella. When would you like this to happen?" Carlisle asked. I hadn't been thinking about this yet. I had to say goodbye to Charlie, and Renée. They were my parents, I had to see them one more time before I would become a vampire. I didn't know what to expect, I had no idea what I would be like after the change.

"I'm not sure. I want to see my parents one more time, first. I have to go to Florida, to see my mom one more time before… I mean…"

"I understand." Carlisle didn't make me finish the sentence and I was somewhat grateful for it, because I really had no idea what it was I wanted to say.

"Let's get ourselves some plane-tickets then!" Alice squirmed. She'd been quiet all the time and was now jumping around. I smiled at her and she was already on the phone, ordering first-class tickets.

"Bella, we have to think of something to say to Charlie. He'll be expecting you to visit him as long as you live in Forks. We could fake your death, but I'm not sure if you'd be able to see him ever again, even when you've gained some restraint." Carlisle was always thinking about the practical stuff, but he was right. We had to think of something.

"Could we just fake a car accident, where I am in? And then after a few years maybe I could go back to him and-"

"And tell him what? 'Hi dad! I'm alive after all!'" Rosalie mocked. She was right, that would be weird. But what else? Would I really have to give him up, forever? I guessed so, it would be for the best. It was either him or Alice, and frankly, I'd choose Alice over everything.

"Alright then, you're right. We'll fake my death." I was now sure of this, my decision was made.

"Bella, dear, are you sure?"

"Yes, Esme. I'm sure, I don't have much of a choice, have I? I want to be with Alice, and so I have to be one of you. I guess this is what it takes." My eyes were studying my shoes, I didn't want to meet their topaz-colored, way too nice, eyes. "Sacrifices have to be made…" I muttered. I felt how Alice's cold hand touched my back and pulled me into a hug, she told the family this conversation was over and took me upstairs. There I cried, I buried my hair into the crook of her neck and cried. She softly rubbed my back and kissed my face on several places. She laid me down and cuddled with me for a long time.

"Alice… What am I doing?" I was really confused. Although I was 100% positive that I wanted to be a vampire, it still hurt that I'd be leaving my parents behind.

"I don't know, Bella. Honey, you don't _have_ to do this! I'll love you just as much if you're human! I promise." She was trying to comfort me and she did a great job, like always. I dried my tears and shook my head.

"No, I want to be a vampire. No matter the price I have to pay, I can't live without you, and I want to live forever with you!" She nodded and remained silent. She and I both knew that words weren't needed at that moment. We got under the blankets and she held me until I fell asleep.

When I woke up I was all sweaty, I had had a nightmare, I knew it. It was about Edward, again, and my whole body was trembling. When I watched the clock I noticed it was only 3AM and it wasn't time to wake up yet. I also noticed Alice wasn't with me, where was she? I started to panic when I heard her heart-melting giggle.

"Silly Bella, I'm right here!" she was still giggling and as my eyes were adjusting to the darkness I saw her petite frame sitting on the windowsill.

"Would you like to explain to me… why you're not in bed with me?" I ask her, looking quasi-angry.

"Well, you were shaking, and you were a little cold. Then you had a nightmare and sweating, and as I was making my way over to you, you woke up," she explained. I motioned for her to come back in bed.

"I could use a little cooling down now." She winked at me and slid under the covers, I pushed my body into hers and soon felt her arms snaking their way around my waist.

"Sleep, my Bella. It's still dark outside!" she whispered in my ear and I relaxed. Alice was now softly humming in my ear and this caused me to drift away in a deep slumber.


	18. Sunny delay

_A/N: I don't own a thing, Stephenie Meyer does.  
Thank you guys for sticking with me. I hope you'll like this chapter. My computer crashed and now I have to do all this stuff at school, secretly for if they catch me… I'll be in a lot of trouble! But I will try to update as often as possible. There's only a few chapters left for this story though, about 4 or 5. Anywee, enjoy!_

**Chapter 18: Sunny delay**

We were at the Seattle airport, having our luggage checked. Children were running around, only to be called back by their parents who were afraid of them getting lost. Alice and I had left her car home and were driven to the airport by Emmett. We were about to board a plane to Jacksonville, Florida. When a woman informed all travelers about the boarding starting, Alice and I moved over to the gate we had to be at.

The flight was long, and boring. At least I had Alice with me, she made things slightly better. I never really liked flying that much, especially the landing. I had to admit, though, that Alice sure knew how to plan a trip. Of course we were flying first-class and these seats were absolutely divine. I had my head resting on Alice's shoulder and she was tracing her fingers along my arm. The flight-attendant had brought us a blanket and something to drink.

"Isn't this hard for you? Having so many people around, I mean… Seattle wasn't really that quiet," I asked. I knew that being a newborn would be so difficult, and I wondered how long it would take for me to be able to be among people again.

"I have a lot of restraint, so I can handle it. Why?"

"Alice, how long does it take for me to… you know, to be able to attend high school, like you?"

"I don't know. It's different for everybody, most newborns take a few years before they are able to be around humans. But they can't go to high school that soon, there's too much blood there." She looked concerned, and I was deep in thought. "Bella, you're not worried are you? We'll help you through the newborn-phase-"

"I know, Alice. It's just… I like to be among people, and… I don't know."

"Bella, you don't have to do this. But I know you're not going to change your mind, so I'll just tell you this. For us, vampires, time flies! A year is nothing for us, so a few years without humans around you will feel like months. Besides, you'll be busy with other stuff, restraining yourself for instance." She patted my head softly and placed a kiss on my cold cheek. I buried my nose in her hair, which smelled so awfully good to me and kissed her there. We snuggled for a long time and stopped when Alice announced we were about to land. This was the part of the flight I hated most, but I survived, of course.

Florida was sunny, too sunny. Alice had been prepared though, she'd brought a hat, sunglasses and enough clothes to cover her body. I had my arm snaked around her waist and kept her close to me, we quickly got to a taxi and the chauffeur drove us to my mother's house. Alice hid her face in my hair, so that the chauffeur wouldn't notice her sparkles. When we got to my mom's house I first got Alice inside, so that she would be safe from sunlight. My mom thought she was allergic to the sun, it was the perfect excuse for her to stay inside. I kissed my mom on the cheeks and hugged her for a while. It hadn't even been that long ago since I last saw her, but I had still missed her.

"I'm so happy you're here Bella! You look so good, do you feel good too?" I nodded at her and assured her that I was fine. Phil got our luggage from the taxi and I hugged him briefly when he got back into the living room. Alice was already feeling at home and was having a pointless conversation with my mother about fashion, what else would she be talking about? Phil got us all something to drink and I pretended to be very thirsty so that Alice didn't have to drink her glass of water. I smiled thankfully at me and I quickly nodded.

We didn't do much that day, just talked. Phil told us he had to go to practice for the team tomorrow and we were welcome to have a look. Alice wanted me to go, with my mom and assured us that she'd have plenty of stuff to do. I had eventually agreed to go, spending some alone-time with my mom wouldn't kill me, for I'd never get to see her again. After the practice, me, mom and Phil went to the McDonald's to eat there, we had a lot of fun and when we got home we found Alice in her pajamas watching television.

"Why are you still in your pjs?" I asked her, teasingly. She shrugged her shoulders and giggled, oh how I loved that giggle!

"I didn't feel like getting dressed. But I could, if you mind…" she offered, Phil shook his head and assured her it was all fine. He made us spaghetti and Alice clearly was amused by me eating it, I however was amused by her eating anything. She didn't complain, though, and almost even licked her plate empty, just to rub in how big a girl she actually was.

"Did you like it, Alice?" Phil asked her. Alice nodded but declined another plate. Phil and Alice got along very well and my mom loved her too, but honestly, who couldn't love Alice? My mom had taken me into the kitchen and I helped her with the dishes.

"So, Bella. Is there anything you'd like to tell me?" I saw a twinkle in her eyes and knew she wasn't talking about anything serious. I shrugged my shoulder and was obviously amused by her glance.

"Well… No?" I answered.

"Bella, last time you were here, you brought Alice along. And now she came with you, again. Is there something going on between you two?" Oh shit, well, I was going to 'die' anyway, so why not tell her?

"Yes.. Mom, me and Alice… We're in love." She clapped her hands and hugged me. That wasn't quite the respond I had expected to get from her but at least she wasn't angry. She told me how happy she was and when Alice entered the kitchen to check up on us she got the same speech from my mom. Alice smiled at her words and although she'd heard them before, seemed very happy.

"I'm proud to have you as my… daughter-in-law!" My mom exclaimed. Alice giggled and hugged her. After the dishes were done we saw a movie and then Alice and I got to bed. We were both very 'tired' and decided to get a long night of sleep. When we got to the spare-room Alice kissed me eagerly and pushed me to a wall. I grinned at her and she started kissing and licking my neck, this scared me a little and Alice seemed to notice.

"Don't worry, Bella. I won't bite," she said jokingly and yet seriously. I believed her and she carried me to the bed. It was a double bed, and very comfortable. Alice undressed me and just as I was undressing her I realized we couldn't actually do this… Not here!

"Alice! Stop!" I giggled. I knew this would probably upset her but I didn't think it would be very nice of us to have sex in my mom's house. In the spare-bed, where other people would be sleeping in.

"I know, Bella… But they won't ever know, will they?" She looked at me with puppy-eyes and how could I reject her? I took off her pajamas and kissed her breasts, my fingers caressed her hard nipples and I felt her nails dig into the skin of my back. It hurt a little, but I didn't really care. She soon got her hands off me and I knew that she knew how I felt. I grinned at that and kissed her neck, where her pulse-point would have been, if she were still human. This was however a weak-spot of hers and I knew it, she really enjoyed it if I sucked that point and so I did, eagerly.

My lips slid from her neck to her perky breasts and I left a trail of kisses along the way. She moaned softly and my mouth made its way down to her vagina. She was so wet, and her arousal smelt divine to me.

"Oh Bella!" she breathed. My tongue softly licked her clit, but I didn't put any pressure on it. I was teasing Alice and I knew she'd get very frustrated if I kept it up, and so I did. It took Alice only one minute to groan at me for not being a little rougher. I gave in, I hungrily took in all her juices and made her come.

"Yes, baby. I know you like this, don't you?" I moaned, she had her mouth open and was trying not to scream. She only moaned my name a few times and whispered something I didn't catch. As soon as her body relaxed again I laid myself next to her. She kissed my lips and held me, it took me mere moments to fall asleep. With a content grin on my face I was sure.

The next morning we got up late, Alice wanted to play dress-up with me. Even though she didn't bring her whole closed along there were too many outfits she wanted me to try on. I knew this made her happy and so I sacrificed myself to her wants. Phil and my mother made us breakfast and we spent the whole day at home, watching television, playing games and talking about everything. I wanted to enjoy this weekend as much as I could, because it would be the last. Alice understood how hard it was for me and provided me in as much alone time with my mother as possible.

That night we were flying back to Seattle. I had said goodbye to my mother, and not without tears. It hurt me even more to know that she didn't know this was the last time she'd see me. In the plane I cried my eyes out, I loved my chaotic mother so much and I didn't want this. But I was determined to be a vampire.


	19. The almost change

_A/N: I own nothing, Stephenie does.  
Thanks guys, enjoy this next chapter!_

**Chapter 19: The almost change**

I had been thinking about nothing but the change, and my life after that. What if something went wrong? What if Alice didn't have enough restraint to do it? No, I couldn't think like that, Alice loved me and she'd never kill me. I knew that, and I believed that, but I was still worried. Carlisle had offered me to do it, since he'd done quite a few changes already, but I had declined. I wanted Alice to change me, and nobody else.

Alice and I had also gone to see Charlie, I told him about my relationship with Alice. Of course he already knew it, but I'd never officially told him. He was still happy for us, and his respond too was very different from what I'd expected. The day me and Alice spent at his place was great, we had a lot of fun and in the evening Alice had left us alone. So that I could say goodbye to him alone, in my own way. Of course I didn't really say goodbye to him, but it felt like that. It was hard, but I didn't cry. I had cried so much already, and I was sick and tired of it.

When we got home the family was waiting for us. Esme brought me a glass of water and Carlisle told me to sit down, along with everyone else. We talked about the transformation for a while, Carlisle wanted to make sure I knew what I was doing.

"I'm sure I want this, Carlisle. Really." I assured him that I was fine and that this was what I wanted.

"Alright. Have you thought of a place and a time? When do you want this to happen?" he asked me.

"As soon as possible. I'd like for it to happen here, this is the place I feel most at home. And when Alice feels like she's ready." Alice held my hand and squeezed it a little, I knew she was nervous for this, she didn't trust herself as much as I did.

"I… I'm ready," Alice stammered. I winked at her and she smiled a little. We had one of our moments and we were rudely interrupted by Rosalie's cough.

"Bella, do you realize that you'll be a real danger afterwards? If you'll become too dangerous, the pack will come for us." Carlisle warned me. Rosalie snorted at the mention of the dogs and this caused me to giggle.

"This is serious, Bella," Esme interrupted, with a caring tone in her voice. I nodded my head and looked at them with an apologetic smile. Carlisle nodded and told me and Alice to make our preparations. She took me upstairs and after some kisses we talked about it again.

"Alice, I know it's risky. And I know that I'll be a wild, dangerous newborn. But you're with 6 people, I'm sure you can keep me from doing anything stupid!"

"You don't know what it's like, being a newborn. Bella, you have no idea what it will be like for you, after the change is completed! We can't prepare you for it, it's impossible. You'll feel like… like someone who hasn't eaten for weeks and gets offered a whole cow to eat, but is kept from doing so! It's going to be so difficult, you have no idea!" She was right, I had no idea. But I didn't really care either, because it would be worth it. The newborn phase would pass, right? I nodded at Alice and offered my neck to her.

"Just… Do it, alright? I really want this, Alice." Her eye-color changed and suddenly the monster in her woke up. She shook it off, I could see her struggle with that monster inside of her but eventually she won the fight and her eyes got back to their topaz-color again. She smiled at me and kissed my lips, she laid me on the bed and kissed me a while longer. Her lips traced down my neck and I heard Emmett making weird kissing noises behind our door.

"Shh, they're just here in case I slip," Alice calmed me down and placed kisses on my jaw line. A small smile crept on my lips and a second later I felt her lips against my pulse-point. Her tongue licked it and I heard her moan. She visibly enjoyed my taste and it made me feel quite special. I wondered if I'd still taste that good when I'd be a vampire. I sure hoped so, for it made Alice moan and I loved that. I felt her sharp teeth on my skin and just as she was about to break the skin she stopped, jerked her head away from me and growled, loudly. I didn't know what was up and was a little dazzled. Why did she stop?

"Alice…?" She held up her hand, motioned me to be quiet. I looked over her shoulder and she was sniffing the air, fear in her eyes. No, it wasn't fear, it was irritation. My sweet angel was annoyed, but by what?

"Wolves…" she growled, under her breath. I heard her, though. Anger ran through me, Jacob! He really wasn't going to let this happen, not that easily.

"Leeches, get your ass out here!" I heard him yelling. Alice got off the bed now and moved towards the window, I followed her closely and took a glance outside. Jacob was indeed there, with five other kids his age. Sam wasn't there and it made me wonder how the wolves got to ignore their Alpha's orders. Or had Sam been lying to me?

"Bella, you should stay up here. I don't think you want to witness this…" Alice whispered. I didn't understand, would they fight? Would she kill Jacob, would Jacob kill her? No! I wouldn't let him. I ignored Alice and made my way downstairs, Rosalie and Emmett were already outside. Rosalie glared at the wolves, she had her nose covered with her hand. I moved towards Jacob and slapped him in the face.

"You filthy-" I started yelling at him, but he grabbed my wrists and silenced me.

"Shut up Bella!" he shouted. The boys who were with him I now recognized, there was Seth, Quil, Embry, Jared and one I had seen briefly at Emily's house. They all bared their teeth, all but Seth. I could see he didn't like this confrontation and it made me wonder why he didn't listen to Sam.

"Let. Go. Of. Her," Alice hissed as she got closer. Jacob looked at her, anger was all over his face.

"I'm not going to let you kill her, take her life away from her. I can't allow that!" His grip on my wrist tightened and started to hurt.

"You're hurting her, dog! Let her go!" Emmett made his way towards us, leaving Rosalie unguarded. But Rosalie didn't really look like she needed protection anyway. Jacob jerked his head his way and glared at Emmett. Emmett, though, wasn't really startled by this and grinned at him.

"You realize we can beat your asses, right?" Jacob threatened him.

"Bring it on!" Emmett boomed, I knew he liked to fight but wasn't too sure he just made the right choice. After all, there were five of them, and only six vampires. And even though Alice was quite strong, she wasn't a match for them. I couldn't have her in danger.

"Jacob, this is none of your business! Sam allowed me to do this without violating the treaty!" I yelled at him, his grip tightened even more and he hissed at me.

"I don't care what Sam says."

"He's your alpha, I thought you guys were all supposed to obey him?" I was confused.

"He's no longer our alpha, Bella. Jacob took his place, he's the rightful heir, you knew that, right?" It was Seth, and suddenly everything made sense. Alice stiffened and touched my arm.

"Get away from her, leech!" Jacob hissed, scowling. Alice shook her head and wasn't giving in.

"No, Jacob, you get away from her. Bella has a mind of her own, she decided to be with me and she wants me to change her. This is none of your business!" Jacob let go of me and Alice carried me away. I saw Emmett and Rosalie tangle him down and being attacked by both Quil and Embry. All six of the boys eventually turned into their wolf stage and I was so afraid. They'd never win this. Carlisle and Esme tried to reason with the boys but this wasn't working much. Alice took me inside and sat me on the couch, she got her cell-phone out and dialed a number.

"Edward, we need you here. Please? No, the wolves, they're here! They're killing the family, Edward! Get your ass over here!" and with that she hung up on him. "I'm sorry Bella, but we really need all the help we can get now." She told me to stay inside and got outside herself, I rushed to the window. I didn't want to miss this fight, I had to see the Cullens were safe. What I saw broke my heart, Carlisle and Esme were fighting. The most caring, loving and restrained people I knew were now fighting. All because of me.

A few moments later I saw Edward joining in, going straight for the big, russet wolf that was Jacob. I saw a grey wolf on top of my angel, who was desperately trying to kick him off. Jasper got over to her and pushed the wolf away, they looked at each other and nodded slightly. It was fascinating to see how well they knew each other as they both went for the grey wolf. He was pinned to the ground and the petite, fragile-looking Alice was biting his neck. I heard a lot of howls from the wolves and quite a few growls from my vampire-friends. I couldn't stand this anymore, I couldn't watch my friends and family being killed, being fought. Quickly I left the house and ran outside.

"Stop this! Now!" I yelled, but nobody paid attention, nobody but Alice. She let go of the gray wolf, who was now Jasper's to finish and got over to me.

"I'm sorry, Bella! I'm so sorry. But, this was to be expected. And now that Jacob is the alpha, nobody can stop them, nobody but us!" I could tell it hurt her, and she didn't like to fight. I once more looked at the fight, and saw how Edward was dealing with Jacob. Of course he was, they were still hating each other and this was the perfect opportunity for both of them to kill the other.

"But I don't want you to fight over me. It's not worth it…"

"Bella, you are the best reason I ever fought for!"

"Alice, how can you say that? Your family! Don't you see what's going to happen? The wolves are strong Alice, you're underestimating them! Look at Jacob and Edward, they're killing each other and something inside of me says that Jacob will win this!" Alice now glanced over at the scene that was unfolding in front of her and the look in her eyes changed. Her face was now blank and I knew she was having a vision.

"You're right. We have to stop this thing!" She kissed my cheek before calling the fight to a hold, surprisingly so everyone listened to her, except for Edward. He was still provoking Jacob but he didn't pay attention to him.

"Guys, this is senseless! We're losing family, friends! We're being insane!" Alice yelled. Rosalie snorted loudly and Jacob just howled at her. His eyes didn't soften a bit and it frightened me, this wasn't the end yet.

"Alice is right, guys. We shouldn't be fighting. In fact, this violates the treaty! Bella's not a vampire yet, nobody has bitten her, yet!" Carlisle was right and even Jacob knew it. He remained in his place, though, and shook his big head.

"Jacob, don't be so stubborn! Why would you even care about me being a vampire or not? We hadn't spoken for months, why bother now?" I kept my voice silent, for I knew he'd hear me anyway. He got over to me and pushed his nose against my arm, Alice growled at this and shot him a glare. He ignored her, though, and his eyes looked begging at me.

"No, Jacob! I want this, really. They didn't force me into anything, don't make this so damn hard!" I yelled at him. I scared him off a little and he took a few steps back. My hand softly touched the top of his head, to Alice's dismay. I knew she didn't trust the wolf but I didn't really care, Jacob had been my friend before and I didn't see why he'd keep me from being happy. He just didn't understand, what was it I needed to do to make him understand? He growled once more at Alice, whose arm was on my shoulders now. I looked sternly at him and he looked me in the eye, I saw him flinch a little and then backed off. He and the rest of his pack disappeared into the woods.


	20. Embrace the hunger

_A/N: I own nothing, Stephenie does.  
Thank you guys for still reading this story!! Your reviews are the best and make me proud! :D Enjoy!_

**Chapter 20: Embrace the hunger**

"I hate to admit it, I really do, but I'm with the wolves on this. Bella shouldn't be one of us, this only causes problems!" Rosalie spoke, after a long silence. Even though I could understand why she'd say this, it hurt me. She knew how much I wanted this and yet she wouldn't support me.

"It would also cause problems if I stayed human. Do you honestly see me and Alice still being happy together when I'm 70 years old?" I was getting really annoyed now. Why would she want to ruin this for me.

"I can't believe you guys were actually considering this! How could you do this to me, Alice?" Edward now interrupted. No matter how afraid I was of him, I had totally forgotten he was in the room with us. He'd been quite angry since he found out why he was fighting the wolves, and risking his life.

"Edward, it's none of your business!" she defended herself, and me.

"It's my business if you call me to help you fight these pups, who actually turn out to be right about all this! I risked my fucking life for you guys! And you're just stabbing me in the back here, you know how strongly opposed I am to Bella being a vampire!" He started yelling at us now, and this was exactly the Edward I'd known these past few months.

"Edward… it's not up to you anymore," I said, shyly. I didn't want to upset him too much.

"Well, Bella, technically we're still married, for I haven't signed a thing yet. So it kind of is up to me!" he scowled. He was such an ass and I hated him, more than ever before. Even now that we weren't together anymore he had the guts to tell me what to do.

"Shut up! You know what? Get the fuck out of here! You're hurting her, again! Don't you see that?" Alice was going frantic now, she obviously saw how his words were affecting me. Edward stood up and glared at me, his eyes seemed to sting me and I was actually afraid, again! Would he ever leave me alone? Edward shrugged his shoulders and ran off, this was a relief.

"I'm sorry about that, Bella." Carlisle briefly touched my arm and I smiled at him, my eyes told him it was alright.

"If you still want to do this, you could do it now. I don't think Jacob will be back anytime soon. He really loves you Bella, and he's only worried about you," Carlisle said.

"And jealous, of all of us," Jasper added. I believed him, instantly. But nevertheless, I still wanted this and so I took Alice upstairs. Carlisle and Emmett followed us, they stayed outside the door, though. I laid down on Alice's bed and exposed my neck to her. She sat on her knees in front of me and kissed my lips, gently.

"Attempt no. 2," she giggled. I smiled at her little joke and then felt her razor-sharp teeth against my skin. "Last chance to push me away, you absolutely sure, love?" I giggled and told Alice to just get this over with. She kissed my pulse point once more before sinking her teeth into my neck. It hurt much more than I had expected but I didn't scream. Not yet, at least. I felt a horrible stinging feeling coming up in my neck and saw how Alice now sank her teeth into my wrists. The stinging started there too and I knew this was the venom, that was starting to spread. I burned, too badly. Alice stayed with me, kissed my cheeks and lips but I couldn't focus on it. All I could focus on was the horrible pain, if felt like my head was on fire and like all my organs were being pulled out of my body. But that wasn't the case, thank God. I soon saw everything going blurry and I couldn't keep my eyes open. I closed them and let the pain consume me, I screamed a little and felt Alice's cold hands on my cheeks. That's when everything went black, I didn't see a thing. All I could feel was the horrible pain and that was that. Nothing more.

_**Three days and a lot of burning later**_

I hadn't opened my eyes in three days, but I hadn't slept either. The pain was too much and I had lost conscience for a second. But I just woke up, the pain decreased a little and I felt my heart-rate slowing down. The moment my heart completely stopped I opened my eyes, as I did I looked into a pair of golden eyes. They looked familiar, somehow, but I couldn't remember where I'd seen them before.

"Bella, you're awake!" the eyes said. I got up and looked at the girl who was talking to me. She was small, petite really and her hair was all spiky. She looked pretty but not too familiar. She just called me Bella, so she must have known who I was. Why didn't I know who she was? What was this horrible, burning feeling in the back of my throat. I tried to speak but no sound would leave my mouth.

"Are you thirsty?" the girl asked me. I nodded, I didn't really know. But what else would explain this burn? As I looked around I noticed there were more of these yellow-eyed people. Who were they, and why did they look so damn familiar to me?

"Bella, do you remember us? My name is Carlisle, this is my family. You're part of this family, Bella," a man spoke quietly to me. He seemed very patient but I didn't really care, I wanted blood, I craved blood. I was hungry and the burning was too much. I growled and looked out of the window, why weren't there any victims around? Where would I get my food from?

"Right, food. Come with me, Bella. We'll go hunting." The short girl spoke again. I glared at her, how could I trust her? What if she'd try to kill me? No she wouldn't, she looked way too nice for that.

"Bella, this is my daughter, Alice. Do you remember her?" the man spoke again. I looked at her again, why were they being so damn persistent? Why couldn't they just feed me, I was so hungry. She did look familiar, but I really couldn't remember her. I found my voice and told him this.

"No, not really." Those were the only words I spoke, I saw the girl flinch and her eyes met mine. I felt bad for her, I was sure we used to be very close and suddenly it came back to me. I loved her! Right?

"Do I… Ehm, do I love you?" I asked her. Her eyes lit up again and she nodded at me.

"You keep telling me you love me, so I guess so," she said, giggling. That giggle was the cutest I'd ever heard, and it brought back quite some memories. This girl was my girlfriend, she'd turned me into a vampire. She saved me from a guy, who had abused me. And all these other people in this room, they were my brothers and sister, and my second mother and father. I just couldn't remember their names.

"What are your names?" I asked, Carlisle told me who was who and everything came back to me. I sat down on the bed and looked at myself in Alice's big mirror. My eyes were red, my skin was terribly pale, even paler than I already was. Alice gently touched my hand and I quickly grabbed hers, a smile appeared on her face and she took me outside. We ran off into the woods, I was fast! Running like that felt so good, it felt like the ultimate freedom. In a meadow we came to a stop.

"Bella, close your eyes and let your other senses work a little harder. See if you can hear an animal, if you can smell one…" Her voice disappeared with the wind but I got lost in it. I did as she said though, and closed my eyes and immediately heard the sound of hoofs. I breathed in deeply and smelled the animal too, now. I opened my eyes again and lost my mind, I only thought of the warm liquid that I would soon be swallowing.

I ran off and it took me only a few seconds to catch the animal. I snapped its neck and sunk my teeth into it. The taste of its blood was just… too good to describe. I totally drained the animal, dropped it and went after another one. When I had drained four deer the burning in my throat stopped, I felt satisfied and sat down against a tree. A second later Alice appeared in front of me, she sat down next to me, constantly keeping an eye on me.

"What are you looking at?" I asked her, a little too blunt. She looked hurt and moved away from me a little. I immediately felt guilty, how could I have been so… not nice to this beautiful girl. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that, you were just watching me so… intently," I stuttered. She smiled at me and told me it was fine.

"I was just startled by your beauty! I mean, you were always exceptionally beautiful, but now with this extra vampire-beauty… it's really breathtaking," she said. I knew that were she able to, she would have blushed. I thought it was just very cute and so I cupped her cheek with my hand. I kissed her lips gently and waited for her to respond, it didn't take her too long and mere moments later I was on top of her and we were kissing.

"I think you'll be okay, being a newborn," Alice said in between our kisses.

"Were you doubting me?"

"No, it's just that most newborns only pay attention to blood. Okay, sex too, maybe. But it's pretty exceptional that you could wait so long before you went to hunt, after you woke up." I now got off her and looked at her, suspicious. It didn't take me that long, did it? Was she expecting me to be some hungry creature? What the hell?

"Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you, but most newborns are like that!"

"Guess I'm not like most newborns!" I grinned and pinned her to the ground. She smirked at me and when I wasn't paying attention turned us around, I felt the grass tickle my bare skin and as I sniffed the air I smelled so many smells. There were animals, grass, trees, other forms of nature and Alice. Her scent was intoxicating and I moved my nose to her neck to inhale more of it. This caused her to giggle and oh, how I loved that giggle.

"I never realized I smelled that good!" she said. I kissed her once more and then took her back home. When we got there the family was waiting for us, I felt the tension and knew that Carlisle wanted to talk.

We had a lot conversation about what this new life would mean for me, and for them. Memories slowly came back to me. I remembered my father, Charlie. How I got to Forks, how I met this man who'd abused me so often. I still didn't know his name, part of me didn't feel like finding out either. I remembered my mom, and the visits me and Alice had paid her. I remembered the times I had spent with my new family, and how much I loved them. After the conversation with Carlisle, me and Alice went upstairs, to our room, to think of more memories.

Alice told me about high school, about the friends I had there. Jessica, Mike, Eric, Angela, Ben, Tyler. She even told me about Lauren, somehow I hadn't completely forgotten about her, but there wasn't much pleasant I could tell about her. Alice also told me about the fight with James, the fight with his mate, Victoria. She'd told me about their departure and what it did to me. That wasn't the most happy part of the whole memory-digging thing, but she thought it had been a huge part of my life and therefore I had to remember that. She told me about the fight with the newborns, how the wolves had helped us. She even told me about my friendship with Jacob, how much we loved each other and I suddenly felt sad for him. He didn't want me to become what I have become, and yet, here I was, all happy while he probably wasn't.

"Alice, is Jacob going to have his revenge?" I asked her, after a moment of silence. She shrugged her shoulders, I knew she couldn't see the wolves futures but I had at least hoped she'd get some kind of glimpse.

"I don't know, honey. But hey, let's not worry about that now. I'm sure he won't hurt you!" She cuddled with me for a while and stroked my hair with her pale fingers. They didn't feel cold to me anymore and part of me missed that. With my new super-eyes, she looked even more beautiful. I kissed her softly and she returned the gesture. We kissed for a while before I broke it. Even though I didn't really want to know, I had to.

"Will you tell me about the man who abused me? I can't really… What was his name again?" Alice's face fell a little at the mention of this. I could tell she didn't want to talk about this and as I cupped her cheek she started talking.

"His name is Edward…" She told me the whole story, or at least what she knew about it. And suddenly it all came back to me, how he had too often bitten my lips. How he had beaten me, unintentionally, sure. But somehow, I wasn't angry. The only moments I got angry was when Alice told me about their fights, about his threats and about how he treated her. She was now my life, she was who I'd be protecting, from who-ever. And I didn't like it one bit that this guy had the guts to hit her, to fight her, to threaten her. There was hell to pay. But Alice wouldn't hear of it, she merely wanted to be happy with me, without him in our lives. I agreed, even though my mind was subconsciously making plans to hurt him.


	21. The path of recovery

_A/N: I own nothing, Stephenie does.  
Okay I finally finished the story, it has a few more chapters for you. This is the 21__st__ chapter, and I truly hope that you'll enjoy it! :)_

**Chapter 21: The path of recovery**

_**Three months later**_

It's been three months since I'd become a vampire. Three months since I'd last slept, since I'd last eaten human food. Three months since I'd last seen my father, and my mother. Instead I've been spending three months controlling my thirst, learning more and more things about the vampire-life and enjoying myself in the presence of the most loving family I had ever known. They all helped me through this rough period of being a vampire on their own way.

Carlisle had spent many hours in his office with me, telling me about his experiences, about my potential and about the possibilities.

Esme did what she did best, she took the role of being my mother. She hugged me when I needed it, she made fun with me when I needed it and she took me hunting when I needed it. She just had this instinct of telling her what everyone needed and that was so great!

Jasper took control of my emotions, he did an awesome job at that too. He also told me about his experiences with newborns and how well I was doing.

Rosalie was still a bit weary, and I couldn't blame her. But at the same time she was the perfect sister and supported me in everything. She too, took me hunting, and told me about her experiences as a vampire.

Emmett was just the joker, he made fun all the way and I loved him so much for it. He really was one of a kind and it kept amazing me how his jokes always enlightened the mood.

And Alice, yes, Alice, she was just amazing. She was always so supportive, she too knew what I needed when I needed something and always helped me through everything. Alice was my safe haven, she was home.

I hadn't seen this Edward-guy these past few months, Carlisle had showed me a picture of him and I did recognize him. But I had absolutely no feelings or whatsoever running through me when I saw that picture, nothing but the rage of knowing what he did to Alice.

"Edward's coming, in a while," Alice said, as we were all doing our own thing. She had been reading a magazine in silence while me and Emmett were playing a game on the xbox. And boy, I was so winning!

"When?" Carlisle was soon with us and tried to get through to Alice. "Alice, when?" he asked again.

"Today. In a few hours, I don't know what he wants." Her eyes were still glazed and this worried me a little. Her visions didn't usually last that long, but the look on Carlisle's face comforted me a little. He didn't look worried at all and after all he'd known Alice quite a bit longer than I have. She shook her head lightly and smiled a small smile, she was back again.

"Is he going to pick a fight? Because I'm full of energy today!" Emmett boomed from next to me. I hit his shoulder lightly at this and Carlisle held back a smile.

"Emmett, he's still your brother!" Carlisle warned him. Emmett shrugged his shoulders and focused on the game again. I wasn't paying attention and so Emmett won from me.

"Hey! That's not fair! I wasn't…"

"Too bad, little sis! Never lose focus when trying to beat me!" he said, cockily. I hit his shoulder again and put away the controller. Emmett seemed offended by me stopping and I assured him it wasn't because of him.

"Now who am I going to play with?" he sounded like a 5-year-old and like always it caused both me and Alice to giggle. After a few more jokes I felt the burning in my throat come up and knew I needed to hunt.

"Alice? Will you come hunt with me?" I asked her, trying to set up some doo-eyes and convince her to come with me. She giggled and pecked me on the lips, she got up from the couch and we both left through the backdoor.

We ran through the forest, I was still amazed by my speed. My super-hearing, super-eyes, super-everything really. It felt like I just wasn't going to get used to it anytime soon and part of me loved that feeling. When we reached a clearing we came to halt, I knew how to hunt now and I really enjoyed it. It made me feel free to be what I really was. Of course I felt somewhat bad for the poor animals I slaughtered, but that was just nature. I'd rather kill animals than humans, simple as that. I sniffed the air and other than the usual scent of deer and elk there was something else. A scent that was quite unfamiliar, I didn't recognize it.

"Alice? Do you smell that?" She still had her eyes closed and I saw her inhale once more. She then shook her head and took off to the bushes. I didn't know what was going on but I followed her, I didn't have prey in mind yet but I didn't care. I'd kill whatever I would run into. I soon tracked down a few deer and after I'd drained them I picked up Alice's scent. I followed it and surprised her by kissing her neck while she was drinking. I knew she didn't like to be disturbed while feeding herself, but I never thought she'd growl at me. And she did, she growled quite loudly. I was somewhat offended but Alice soon realized what was going on.

"I'm sorry, Bella!" she squealed right after she threw herself in my arms. There were still a few drops of blood in the corners of her mouth and I kissed them away. Of course I forgave her, after all, how could I blame her for doing this. My parents always told me not to disturb a dog while it was eating and now I knew why. While we kissed that weird scent entered my nose again and I stiffened a little. What was this? And why didn't I know it? Alice too stiffened and sniffed the air.

"You smell it now?" I whispered. Whatever was close, I didn't want to scare it off. I had to know what was behind this scent, which was surprisingly nice. Alice nodded and looked into my eyes.

"We should head home, Bella. You don't want to deal with this now, really."

"What is going on, Alice? Whose smell is that?" Alice didn't speak but one look on her face told me everything. Edward. Again rage consumed me and I started running towards the source of the smell. Alice followed me, but I'd rather she didn't. I was going to talk to this Edward, and I was going to fight him. I would get my revenge, no matter how much his family loved him. He hurt my girlfriend, he hurt my reason to live and now he was going to pay for that. Unfortunately my newborn-strength had decreased somewhat and so I wouldn't be that much stronger than him. But I knew that I was strong enough to hurt him, to rip his head off.

"Bella! Stop! Come on, baby," Alice cried behind me. I turned around and hugged her, I buried my face in the crook of her neck for a brief moment and kissed it. She held me tight and no words were needed to express our feelings for each other.

"I love you," I said.

"I love you."

I turned around and traced the scent again. Mere moments later I felt Alice's sweet touch, she grabbed my hand and made me stop running.

"Bella, honey. Please don't do this. Please?"

"What did you see, Alice?" She didn't answer, she just looked at her shoes and I couldn't help but be worried. "Alice! What?"

"Bella, just don't! I didn't see anything, nothing but the potential danger. You don't want to go and pay a visit to Edward now. Really, that's no fun." She was now smiling her irresistible smile at me. I returned the smile and captured her lips with mine. But I hadn't changed my mind, not in the slightest.

"Alice, why don't you go home, baby? I'm just going to have a talk with him," I said. Alice declined and insisted on going with me, she knew that I wasn't going to change my mind about this and I guessed she just wanted to make sure I wouldn't kill her brother. Even though she said he wasn't her brother anymore, I knew he was. As we reached the next clearing the smell of Edward came horribly close. I stopped for a second and noted that the smell was everywhere. It was surrounding me and suddenly I was worried that Edward had found a way to clone himself.

"Bella…" Alice clung to my arm and looked at me with pleading eyes. I closed mine and focused for a moment, I thought of the picture Carlisle had shown me and focused on it. I suddenly knew Edward was very close, I didn't know how that was possible. Maybe because I had once loved him so much, maybe because we, technically, were still married? But I just knew that he was in this very clearing, close. I picked up the most fresh scent and it led me toward the edge of the forest. Alice pulled my arm, I couldn't believe she was actually scared. Maybe she wasn't, but she was at least terribly worried.

"Ah, my wife has come back to me."


	22. A change of cards

_A/N: I own nothing, Stephenie does.  
I'm glad you guys liked the last chapter. This one is pretty important I guess, but I'm not too happy about it. Anyway, I'd appreciate it if you guys let me know what you think! ;) Enjoy this chapter. _

**Chapter 22: A change of cards**

I turned around and faced the man who once was my husband. He was actually very handsome, his bronze hair and topaz-colored eyes made for a handsome man. But I wasn't at all distracted by his looks, he was glaring at Alice and me and so I shot him a dead-glare back. Alice was still lightly pulling my arm and shaking a little.

"I thought you were going to sign the damn divorce papers?" I yelled at him. I had, for a second, forgotten about his super-hearing but quickly composed myself.

"Nobody has sent me any of those," he seemed a little confused, he clearly didn't know what I was talking about.

"That's not the point, the point is that, if you agreed to sign the papers, why are you still calling me your wife? I'm not your wife anymore, if I'll ever be anyone's wife, I'll be Alice's!" I didn't yell anymore, but the venom was evident in my voice. Alice clung onto me a little stronger and my free hand touched hers briefly. Edward flinched a little and that amused me.

"Why are you here, Bella? I see you're not so human anymore?"

"Thank God I'm not. Maybe now I'll be strong enough to give you what you deserve…" My voice was low, and hopefully threatening. His eyes closed for a second and he seemed a little disappointed.

"Still can't read you. Now please enlighten me, Bells, what is it I deserve? You already know how terribly sorry I am for doing what I did to you, if you want, I can apologize again. But I somehow doubt you'll believe me this time," he scowled.

"I don't give a shit about what you've done to me. I'm talking about what you did to Alice!"

"Ah, that." He curled his lips and showed me his teeth, they were wet with venom and he was preparing for me to attack, I knew it. But I wasn't really going to attack, part of me realized that I'd never win a fight. He obviously was way more experienced and I didn't want Alice to fight with me, I wouldn't bring her in danger.

"Alice, go home, please? I'll be fine," I begged her. But she didn't go, she did let go of me and kissed me on my cheek, but she took her place next to me.

"No way, I'm not going to leave you here, with _him_," she spat. His look remained stoic and still he was waiting for us to make the first move. He was waiting for us to give him a reason to kill Alice. He wouldn't kill me, I knew he wouldn't. Even if it only were to piss me off.

"Now, if you're not going to attack, I guess I should, huh?" A small smile danced on his lips as he approached us. "Let's start with the small one, they're usually easier to finish," he said. This made me even more angry with him, I was furious. Every inch of my body wanted to kill him, to get rid of his presence. I couldn't do that though, I couldn't do that to Esme. Despite what he'd done, she still loved him and I couldn't take away her son.

"I swear, if you touch her… You will regret it!" I hissed at him. Never had I wanted Alice to be involved, this wasn't her fight, it was mine. "Alice, go away. Please, for me?" I was still hissing but I couldn't speak to her without the obvious love in my tone. She looked at me, stared at me, but didn't move an inch.

"No Bella, if you fight, I fight," she whispered. I knew she wasn't going to leave, no matter what I'd say and so I didn't fight that. I focused on Edward and shot daggers at him.

"Ah, how cute! Now, sister, why don't you do as your Bella says? Are you that eager to die?" This wasn't the Edward I could remember, I couldn't remember much of him, though. The parts I did remember was where he loved his family, unconditionally. But this was so different, it didn't seem like he loved Alice at all.

"Don't be so sure of yourself," I spat at him. This only caused him to burst into laughter, but he quickly composed himself and made a few more steps toward us. I watched his every move and waited for him to attack, he wouldn't kill Alice, I wouldn't let him.

"Hey, you're the ones that came looking for me, remember?" I still glared at him but he didn't seem to feel threatened. In one quick movement he launched himself at Alice and pinned her to a tree, he was holding her tight, as if to choke her. His big body was covering her tiny one and I couldn't watch this. There was fear in her eyes, fear of being killed, fear of losing me, perhaps? I leapt at Edward and got him off her, I slammed his head into the tree a few times until the tree broke and fell down. Alice was still on the floor, but soon got up and attacked him. She bit him in the back and half a second later she was pinned to the ground. Edward was hitting her, and I was getting angrier and angrier.

I wasn't in control of my emotions anymore but before I knew it I was on his back, getting him off Alice again. He merely smiled as he pinned me to the ground, his knee was on my stomach while his hands held mine above my head. I turned my head to see Alice, with despair in her eyes. She got up again and sprang at him. Edward was stronger than her, though and didn't even flinch as she bit his back and neck. He now held both of my hands in one of his and moved his other one to my throat.

"No! Edward, please!?" Alice cried from behind him. He completely ignored her and stared me in the eyes. I saw pain, and anger. Of course he'd be angry, for his wife to fall in love with his sister, the sister he'd always trusted and loved. And he was pained, probably for the exact same reason. But we don't choose who we fall in love with, and he knew that. His eyes hardened and his grip on my throat got stronger. It even hurt a little, still I smirked at him, I wasn't going to show him my real feelings. Which were fear, anger, worry and more of that. Alice hadn't given up fighting and was still pulling him, hitting him, biting him. But to no avail.

"Edward, get the fuck off of her!" She screamed.

"Or what, you're gonna stop me?" he scowled.

Suddenly I heard loud growls from behind me and I saw Edward stiffen. Alice looked a little relieved, and a little scared yet went back to hitting Edward. His grip only tightened, though, and I was getting very curious as to what was behind me.

"Alice?"

"Jacob!" she squealed, both happy and scared. I heard a growl again and before I knew it a big, russet-colored wolf jumped at Edward. He let go of me and I ran straight into Alice's waiting arms. She kissed my lips quickly and hugged me tight. Edward and Jacob were now fighting, everybody in the clearing knew that Jacob would be winning this fight. But we all knew that Edward wasn't going to give in that easy too. Edward was trying to bite Jacob, knowing that doing so would kill him. Werewolves and vampire-venom isn't quite a great match. But Jacob was in control of the situation and within seconds he was on top of Edward. His huge paw was on Edward's throat, just like how Edward's hand had been on mine just minutes ago. Jacob bared his teeth and put some more pressure on the paw.

"Jacob, don't interfere. This is mine and Bella's fight, you have nothing to do with this!" Edward was remarkably calm, considering the circumstances he was in. The big wolf growled once more and bared his teeth at Edward again.

"I know that, Jacob. But… you know what, never mind," Edward scowled, I saw him gather strength and he pushed Jacob off him. Jacob soon tracked him down again and was this time not so nice on him. He bit him in the arm and ripped them off, Edward screamed now and both Alice and I turned away from the scene. I covered Alice's eyes and kissed her face, I didn't want her to witness her brother's death, and quite frankly I didn't want to witness it either. I heard a few more screams of pure agony and then there was silence. It was over. Edward was… dead.

I turned my head and I saw Jacob still hovering over Edward's body, which was ripped in pieces. He huffed and turned his back on him. I looked at Alice, who had now buried her head in my hair. She was dry-sobbing, visibly hurt by what had happened.

"I'm so sorry, Alice. I'm so, so sorry," I mumbled. I stroked her short, black hair and inhaled her scent. She smelled so lovely, and right now, she was so hurt. And it was because of me, because I couldn't just leave this alone. I was now the cause of her sadness, I should've listened to her, I shouldn't have gone here. It could have been prevented, I was to blame. I let go of Alice and she stiffened.

"Don't, Bella, please hold me," she begged, and of course I did as she asked. I held her, tried to comfort her, even though her being like this was my fault in the first place. A few seconds later I felt a big nose against my arm, Jacob.

"Jake, why don't you get to your human form? We can talk, perhaps…" I was silenced, he pushed his head into my arm once more and took off into the bushes. A few minutes he came back out wearing nothing but shorts, like always. Alice was still sobbing, crying without tears. And I, of course, was still comforting her.

"Bella, Alice, I'm sorry. But, you have to understand…" I silenced him with a movement of my hand. I knew what he was going to say, but I didn't hold a grudge. Edward got what he deserved, that was all I cared about. And Alice, of course.

"Bella, I was running my patrol, and I saw him on top of you. Alice was fighting but you couldn't win and… I sort of lost my temper and couldn't control myself. I'm so sorry!" I shook my head, motioning for him to be silent. I pointed at Alice and he understood, he touched her arm softly and she jerked her head up.

"Jacob," she whispered.

"Alice, I'm sorry. You have every right to hate me now, I just couldn't let him kill Bella," he started again. Alice's eyes were sad, but not angry. She didn't hold a grudge either.

"Okay, it's okay, Jacob. You… you had no choice," she whispered again. She was such a good person, if it were my brother he'd killed… I'm not sure if I could've been so forgiving. But I guess Alice wasn't completely lying to me when she said he wasn't her brother anymore.

I didn't let go of her until she let go of me, Jacob was still with us and he briefly touched Alice's arm again, to apologize.

"We should burn his body," she said, her voice was a little hoarse and I knew she didn't want to do this.

"Alice, honey, why don't you go home? Me and Jake will take care of this, you don't have to see this." I kissed her softly and she nodded, but I knew she wasn't going to go home. And I didn't really want her to either, because that would mean she'd have to inform the family of what had happened. And I didn't want her to do that, I was the one who'd caused all this mess, and so I was the one who was going to clean it up as well.

"Alice?" I asked her, before she went. "Please, don't do anything stupid okay? Just wait for me, somewhere, I'll pick up your scent. Don't hurt yourself, please?" She nodded and then ran away.

Jake and I turned to Edward's body and started to collect enough wood to make a good fire, together we threw Edward's body parts into the fire and watched him burn. After that I hugged Jacob, I knew he was hurt too, because I was now a vampire, his sworn-enemy.

"I'm sorry, Jake. I just had to do this…" I whispered.

"I guess we both broke the treaty now, didn't we? How about we call it a truce? Bella, I love you, okay? Now go, take care of Alice, she needs you." He hugged me once more and then pushed me away. I nodded and took a few steps away from him.

"Bells? Do you want me to go to the Cullens and explain to them what happened?" I shook my head, no, this was my mess. "Alright, but please, don't take the blame for this. I know you, and you're not going to tell them what really happened… But please, please just tell them it was me who killed him, for me?" He smiled his beautiful smile and I nodded, I wouldn't lie, if he didn't want me to.

I ran off and easily picked up Alice's scent…


	23. You are my hope

**Chapter 23: You are my hope**

After Jacob and I said goodbye I went to find Alice. Her scent had become my second nature so it wasn't that difficult to track it. I found her sitting on a fallen tree, she had her head in her hands and her eyes were closed. She looked deep in thought and I knew that if she were able to, she would've been crying. It broke my heart to see her in this state and immediately hated myself even more for what I had inflicted. It had never been my intention to take her brother away from her and yet it had happened and it was all my fault. Alice would never admit it and the mere thought of that made me feel even worse.

Well, if she wasn't going to shout at me I hoped that the rest of the family would. It was what I deserved and they just had to show me their anger, their rage.

Alice soon caught my scent and slightly lifted her head, her eyes opened and they held so much pain, fear and love, but no anger. Just by looking at her I could tell she didn't blame me. That should've made me feel better, but it didn't. I didn't deserve her forgiveness and love, I didn't deserve a girl like Alice at all. And yet here she was, looking at me with pained eyes, loving me, forgiving me for what I'd done.

"Alice, I'm… I'm so sorry," I wanted to cry and for the first time since my awakening I hated that I was a vampire. I needed to cry, how could I express myself if I could not cry?

"I know… Bella, don't blame yourself! I love you," her lip was quivering and as she came over to me some sort of relief washed over me. She loved me.

"I love you so much, Alice. But-

"No buts, Bella. It's okay. We should get home, we need to tell them." This would be the hard part, tell the family and get disowned. They would disown me, right? How could they still manage to be around me, knowing that it was me who took away their brother, their son. He meant so much to Carlisle and Esme. He was their first son and he'd been with them for so long. No way they would understand. They had no reason to, either.

"Bella, don't worry… It'll be alright, really," Alice whispered. She grabbed my hand and kissed me softly, she brushed her nose over my pale cheeks, trying to convince me. Oh how much I wanted to believe her, but I couldn't. How could it be alright? Jacob wanted me to tell them the whole truth, and I knew that I would have to tell them everything, he wanted me to. Alice kissed me again and this time the kiss lasted a little longer, her lips lingered on mine.

"It won't, Al. It won't be alright, it's impossible. Because of me your brother is dead! How can it ever be alright?!" I was now yelling, I was so angry. Alice understood and she held me in her tiny arms, I dry-sobbed and buried my head in the crook of her neck. She caressed my hair and rubbed my back gently. Muttering sweet words to me she tried to calm me down, to comfort me. And strangely, it worked. After a few minutes I felt better, more relieved. We had to tell the family and even if they would disown me, I always had Alice, I knew that. She had made that perfectly clear.

"Come, love. We should go," she whispered as she let me go. I grabbed her hand and together we ran to the house. It was raining and the raindrops soaked my clothes, yet it wasn't cold. It was soothing, in a way. I head birds singing and I wondered how it was possible that they were so cheerful. They had no right to be, after what just happened. Yet I admired them, they were free, they could go wherever they wanted to go. They had the possibility of escaping reality, no complexity, their lives were easy. They build a nest, create some eggs, the eggs come out and they have babies. Other than that there's no complexity. I envied the birds at this moment, I envied everything and everyone that had an easy life, everyone who knew a way to escape reality. Reality was my biggest enemy at this moment, because reality made it impossible for me to run away, the reality was that Edward was dead, because of me. Before I knew it we were at the house, I swallowed hard and took a deep, unneeded, breath. Alice had her hand on my back and rubbed it softly. I kissed her once more and took the lead inside the house.

Emmett was still playing his computergames and Rosalie was reading a magazine next to him. Jasper was reading a book and there were no sounds heard other than the one that came out of Emmett's xbox. I assumed that Carlisle and Esme were upstairs, doing whatever. Alice kissed my cheek and squeezed my hand a little. I smiled at her, a pained smile, it wasn't even sincere.

"Where are Carlisle and Esme?" I asked, with a hoarse voice. Emmett and Rosalie didn't even look up. Jasper on the other hand felt the tense and looked up. He put his book down and sat up. "They're out hunting, why?"

"When will they be back?"

"They left a while ago. I suppose they'll be back in a few minutes. Bella, Alice, what happened?" I could see the worry that was all over his face. He was tense and I totally understood why. There must have been so many emotions in the room that moment. Fear, pain, sadness, love, anger. Jasper felt all of them. I felt sorry for him, he didn't deserve this.

"We'll tell you, as soon as everybody is here," Alice spoke. At her words Rosalie and Emmett looked up. Alice's voice was pained, nobody was used to this side of Alice. All they knew about was the happy, cheerful, dancing Alice. Not someone who looked as if she were on the verge of breaking down. I saw that Emmett turned off his xbox and Rosalie put away her magazine. A blue Ferrari was on the cover of it and it made me smile a little. Rosalie had a huge interest in cars, even more than her brothers, who would've thought? Emmett got over to us and hugged us both, his love for us was eminent. My feeling of guilt increased at this.

"Alice, are you alright?" Rosalie asked, worry in her tone. She'd never seen her sister like this before and she was very worried, or so I imagined. Alice nodded and wrapped her arms around me. She needed my support right now, how much I wanted to comfort her, but I didn't know how. All of us sat down and waited 10 agonizing minutes before Carlisle and Esme came home. They immediately knew something was up, Carlisle had worry all over his face and Esme looked confused. I bet she wondered what could have happened that made her children so down.

"I hope you don't mind me asking, but would someone like to explain what happened? What's with the long faces?" Carlisle asked. He sat down on the arm of the couch and turned his attention to me and Alice. Esme came to us and hugged us, being the mother she was.

"I… I have to tell you guys something. Something horrible happened, and it's all my fault!" I cried. I couldn't hold it in anymore, I felt so damn guilty.

"What is it Bella?" Carlisle asked. Alice held my hand and whispered to me that it wasn't my fault.

"Edward… He is… He is dead. I killed him," I whispered, I knew they could hear me anyway. I saw Esme gasping for air and Emmett was shaking with anger. Oh no, Emmett was angry, I didn't want him angry with me, I wouldn't survive it if he got angry.

"What do you mean you killed him?" Rosalie asked, bluntly. Alice raised her head and spoke, "she didn't, Jacob did. Because Edward tried to kill Bella and I," she was too whispering. Esme took another gasp and Emmett shook harder. Carlisle stood up and started pacing through the room. Rosalie's face remained stoic and she tried to control her husband. Jasper looked pained and a little shocked.

"He what?" Emmett boomed.

"Define he? Do you mean Edward or Jacob?" Alice asked. She didn't look scared, but I sure was.

"Edward of course. What the hell, Alice?"

"You heard me Emmett, he tried to kill us. Jacob saw us while he was on patrol and he saved Bella. He also killed Edward." Alice explained. This was wrong, I should have told them this, I should take the blame for this.

"Ugh, that stupid mutt, I wanted to be the one to-

"Emmett!" Esme interfered, she wouldn't accept him saying this, I knew it. I also knew what it was he was going to say. I broke down at that very moment, my feet couldn't handle it anymore and I collapsed. I sat down on the floor and rocked myself. Soon Esme and Alice were both with me on the floor and tried to comfort me. "Bella, are you alright? Please, it's not your fault, Bella," Esme said. It meant a lot to me but on the other hand it killed me that she didn't blame me. A few minutes later, when I had calmed down a little they helped me up and we all sat down. Alice told them the whole story and Rosalie had gotten really mad at Edward, she couldn't handle being with us anymore and she took off into the forest. Emmett followed her, he did tell me that if he could he'd bring Edward back to life and kill him again. Normally I would've laughed at this, but not this time.

Jasper was trying to comfort Alice, he knew her better than I did and so I let him work his magic. His calming waves helped us all. Carlisle wanted to know all the details but did tell me that he didn't blame me for anything.

I felt happy, even at a horrible moment like this I felt happy. This family really loved me, what did I do to deserve this? After the conversation Alice took me to our room. We lay on the bed, we didn't speak, we didn't kiss, we didn't even touch. We just lay there, enjoying each other's company. Some time later Alice grabbed my hand and started kissing it. She soon moved her lips to mine and we kissed. It was soft, it was sweet, it was heaven. Alice was heaven. This family was heaven. I had died and gone to heaven. I was completely and utterly happy, in heaven.

**The End**

_A/N: Okay so I'm totally not happy about the ending.. but I really didn't know any other way to end this.. I'd like to continue, but I've run out of ideas, I have some ideas but it would all be really cliché and not very much fun to read… If one of you have this great idea I could perhaps consider making either a sequel or just remove the 'the end' and continue writing.. but for now, I'm done.. :(  
Thank you guys for reading, you've been amazing!_


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